As the holliday comes to an end, it is usual that one should feel some small measure of dread. After all, the days of sunning, eating and breaking things whenever you want are almost over, and you have a job/school to go back to and slave away at for another 8-10 weeks.
My sense of dread is not so much dread as weary acceptance that bad shit is going to happen. After all, I am attending a school populated by retards and questionably-talented teachers, and a school which cannot update its webstite to inform students when they are supposed to return (it sounds simple, but for unobsetvant and forgetfull people like me, that sort of thing is needed, and they are supposed to cater to the lowest common denominator).
I can forsee nothing but boring for the next few weeks. We'll have the "Welcome Back" teachers, which spend a week or two being REALLY boring and condescending. We'll have the "Snap to Action" teachers that launch into a tirade about how beign back from the hollidays is no excuse to be at any less than 110% efficency.
Of course, you have the inevitable shuffling of classes that are based of irrelevant marks we recieved last year in irrelevant subjects. I will inevitably end up in a class with at least three retards for my main subjects. My electives, maths class and any other classes that are sorted individually will also be complete dives. All the good teachers will be teaching the classes of my friends, thus creating a source of endless envy for the rest of the year.
Also, its SC year. We, Year 10, will complete our second stage of schooling and obtain certificates that show we are capable of basic learning. Note that these now mean nothing for an extra year, as we are unable to actually LEAVE school untill 17, in year 11. They upped the leaveing age (as far as I understand) and are talking about making the HSC compulsory as well, making the SC irrelevant and marinating us students in a cesspool of angry, stupid would-be dropouts.
We turn 16 this year. This means, of course, the worst. The inflated egos, the bad driving, the boasting about said driving, the inevitable sexual exploits (real or imagined) from the douchebag group, and the bragging about said exploits. The stress from people who don't realise that the SC counts for nothing if we stay in school will envelop the entire grade in a fog of hyperventilation and freak-outs.
Really, it seems like this year is going to be a complete flop. But in reality, it'll probably just drag past like any other year, as the individual days speed past like F1 cars on the ceiling(New Scientist reference FTW) and the year drags past like a cripple hamster on a wheel.
As for the real world, the debunking of Global Warming, an increase in political correctness and more government paranoia ahead.
Wow, I'm a real fortune teller now.
Quick, someone pay me large ammounts of money!
Quote of the day:
Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain.
Friedrich von Schiller (1759 - 1805)
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
James: Australia Day, Sickie Day and more
Hi all the people who read this blog, I know it's been a while since my last post but in the holidays I really can't be stuffed to do anything at all except sleep, eat and watch tv. In Australia at about this time every year we always talk about what it is to be Australian, seeing as it is almost Australia Day. So here is what being Australian means to me:
1. You don't care what happened on Australia day all those years ago and instead focus on getting yourself totally pissed. Lamb is usually what people eat, not because it's the nicest type of meat or even because it's cheap but because Sam Kekovich will come around to your house and beat you if you don't eat it.
2. You get thrown out of the Big Day Out, or at least leave in the back of an ambulance. See us Australians we will take any opportunity to drink too much (see point 1 for more details), so of course going all the way out to Homebush for a festival which the aim of going is seeing how fast you can get kicked out (much like our visits to the school library, but more on that another time).
3. You take a sickie on either the day before or the day after Australia Day. This great Aussie tradition dates back to the first fleet, when the convicts would chuck a sickie to get out of building buildings for the British. Now-a-days though you don't get beaten for having a sickie in fact it's quite the opposite, you get a nice day on the beach enjoying yourself with the 20 million other Australians who took a sickie too. Our wonderful, totally independent *cough* *cough* premier has been talking about a different national day for us to celebrate and I totally agree. It should be called "Sickie Day", and everyone phones in on Sickie Day and tells their boss that they're sick, but of course the boss doesn't care 'cause he's sick too. the problem with this is it would create another 2 Sickie Days, one before and one after, and to respect the wishes of the Australian people eventually every day shall be known as Sickie Day, and when we get to that point then of course we will no longer need an excuse to get pissed and instead just enjoy not remembering anything and dying young, but hey, at least we're doing something with our lives.
4.(Yes I know that the last point was overly long and pointless)but the final 2 reasons that you know you are Australian are being talked about a lot in the news lately. You favour a republic. I personally am surprised that there is still debate going on about this, everyone knows that we Aussies want to become a republic because it's one more thing that we have beaten Britain in. But seriously, the recent visit of Prince William has showed people like Tony Abbott that we still want to Monarchy but really we want to be a separate country so we can celebrate another public holiday for that.
5. If you are Australian, then you are a racist! This is the rest of the world's view of us. First Blackface; then the KFC ad; then the bashing of Indian students; what next, because the sand at the beaches is white, we are racist? However most Australians I know are not racist. I am sure that there are lots of Australians out there (such as my grandparents) who are scared of the other cultures, but I think we should be embracing them, as us Aussies took the land over from the Aboriginals on Australia Day 1788, so what would be the difference if they took over us on Sickie Day 2015? Australians should see that the bulk of our culture is not made up of all the things above, although they do form a major part of who we are as a nation, but no we should think that our identity come from being a Multicultural nation who strive to offer opportunities for everyone and a nation that is accepting of people from all around the world, so that they can enjoy the wonderful things Australia has to offer (Points 1,2,3,4 and 5).
So in conclusion us Australians must celebrate tomorrow as if we had another day afterwards to recover, which thankfully we do, thanks to Sickie Day.
From a Proud Aussie,
James
p.s School goes back on Friday so expect 3 different moaning and groaning later this week from Alex, Anthony and myself as we complain about finishing our holidays
1. You don't care what happened on Australia day all those years ago and instead focus on getting yourself totally pissed. Lamb is usually what people eat, not because it's the nicest type of meat or even because it's cheap but because Sam Kekovich will come around to your house and beat you if you don't eat it.
2. You get thrown out of the Big Day Out, or at least leave in the back of an ambulance. See us Australians we will take any opportunity to drink too much (see point 1 for more details), so of course going all the way out to Homebush for a festival which the aim of going is seeing how fast you can get kicked out (much like our visits to the school library, but more on that another time).
3. You take a sickie on either the day before or the day after Australia Day. This great Aussie tradition dates back to the first fleet, when the convicts would chuck a sickie to get out of building buildings for the British. Now-a-days though you don't get beaten for having a sickie in fact it's quite the opposite, you get a nice day on the beach enjoying yourself with the 20 million other Australians who took a sickie too. Our wonderful, totally independent *cough* *cough* premier has been talking about a different national day for us to celebrate and I totally agree. It should be called "Sickie Day", and everyone phones in on Sickie Day and tells their boss that they're sick, but of course the boss doesn't care 'cause he's sick too. the problem with this is it would create another 2 Sickie Days, one before and one after, and to respect the wishes of the Australian people eventually every day shall be known as Sickie Day, and when we get to that point then of course we will no longer need an excuse to get pissed and instead just enjoy not remembering anything and dying young, but hey, at least we're doing something with our lives.
4.(Yes I know that the last point was overly long and pointless)but the final 2 reasons that you know you are Australian are being talked about a lot in the news lately. You favour a republic. I personally am surprised that there is still debate going on about this, everyone knows that we Aussies want to become a republic because it's one more thing that we have beaten Britain in. But seriously, the recent visit of Prince William has showed people like Tony Abbott that we still want to Monarchy but really we want to be a separate country so we can celebrate another public holiday for that.
5. If you are Australian, then you are a racist! This is the rest of the world's view of us. First Blackface; then the KFC ad; then the bashing of Indian students; what next, because the sand at the beaches is white, we are racist? However most Australians I know are not racist. I am sure that there are lots of Australians out there (such as my grandparents) who are scared of the other cultures, but I think we should be embracing them, as us Aussies took the land over from the Aboriginals on Australia Day 1788, so what would be the difference if they took over us on Sickie Day 2015? Australians should see that the bulk of our culture is not made up of all the things above, although they do form a major part of who we are as a nation, but no we should think that our identity come from being a Multicultural nation who strive to offer opportunities for everyone and a nation that is accepting of people from all around the world, so that they can enjoy the wonderful things Australia has to offer (Points 1,2,3,4 and 5).
So in conclusion us Australians must celebrate tomorrow as if we had another day afterwards to recover, which thankfully we do, thanks to Sickie Day.
From a Proud Aussie,
James
p.s School goes back on Friday so expect 3 different moaning and groaning later this week from Alex, Anthony and myself as we complain about finishing our holidays
Friday, January 22, 2010
ALEX: The Holiday Issue (or how I am yet to think of a better title other than ALEX: TRIPLE YOUR PLEASURE AND EXTRA SHORT!!!)
No it is not an issue with holidays; I personally love them and if I had the choice, I would take one and never stop. No this is just one of those blog things where I address multiple points from one post: a bumper edition or whatever else you can be bothered to name it.
First of all, Duty free. I went through various duty free shops on my trip to Vanuatu and back (and yes, Vanuatu is an excellent place although everyone there drives a van and instead of public buses they use vans, so it is rather confusing but anyhow) these duty free shops varied in size. The vanuatu one sold a few cartons of cigarettes from places around the nation (they were mostly Australian Winfields, Marlboros from God-knows-where and Peter Jacksons) but needless to say we didn't buy anything there. We instead bought from Sydney duty free which was cheaper and much, much bigger (although many things in duty free can still be considered expensive, Dad pointed out a bottle of wine that cost more in duty free than it did in the shops normally). We bought a camera, which was worthwhile, a bottle of gin and the obligatory two cartons of Longbeach cigarettes for the relatives that smoke them (i.e; more than you or even I would think). Duty free is good because it is cheap, and that about sums it up. But don't buy rip-off wine. Or mystery cigarettes with warning labels similar to the ones we had on our cigarettes in Australia 10 years ago and are now on Vanuatu-an (Australian-made) Winfield blues 10 years later. If they were 10 years old, it would not surprise me. So don't buy smokes in Vanuatu duty free. Or better yet, don't buy them at all and give the money to me instead. On the plus side, I'm not carcinogenic, or so I'm told.
Part 2: Software. I hate software, and that is the end. Why? Because it is vital to computers and is difficult to install, and even harder to use. I installed some camera software for the new camera, and not only did it insist on not working (as in, it would tell me I needed to update it and personalise settings, but it would not actually load the software) but I needed it to work so I could upload videos. One day I shall form Dalsoft, a software company that does nothing, and does not make software. It will be the greatest service to the world ever since people stopped buying cigarettes and gave the money to me instead (Oh and I apologize for the health remark, pointing out that smoking kills is like captain obviousnessness talking. They should write 'Smoking is uncool' etc. on the warning labels, or not even have them, so people don't see smoking as such a death-defying adrenalin rush [I won't continue on this note, maybe another time, so google it for more info]).
Part 3; Cup noodle. I had one on the plane, and while delicious, you should probably eat the paper cup instead because it'd be more filling, taste better, and be better for you. I would have, but I didn't want to scald myself or sit in a puddle of boiling water for several hours, especially because that would be no good for the house of your future children, if you catch my drift. Still, cup noodle is delicious, and it will almost definitely not harm you to have a cup noodle.
Ok, that's me done. I might update the ol' Orange Painful in a while, but not likely I'll do it this week or month. I'll let you guys know.
Stay crunchy in milk,
~Alex
First of all, Duty free. I went through various duty free shops on my trip to Vanuatu and back (and yes, Vanuatu is an excellent place although everyone there drives a van and instead of public buses they use vans, so it is rather confusing but anyhow) these duty free shops varied in size. The vanuatu one sold a few cartons of cigarettes from places around the nation (they were mostly Australian Winfields, Marlboros from God-knows-where and Peter Jacksons) but needless to say we didn't buy anything there. We instead bought from Sydney duty free which was cheaper and much, much bigger (although many things in duty free can still be considered expensive, Dad pointed out a bottle of wine that cost more in duty free than it did in the shops normally). We bought a camera, which was worthwhile, a bottle of gin and the obligatory two cartons of Longbeach cigarettes for the relatives that smoke them (i.e; more than you or even I would think). Duty free is good because it is cheap, and that about sums it up. But don't buy rip-off wine. Or mystery cigarettes with warning labels similar to the ones we had on our cigarettes in Australia 10 years ago and are now on Vanuatu-an (Australian-made) Winfield blues 10 years later. If they were 10 years old, it would not surprise me. So don't buy smokes in Vanuatu duty free. Or better yet, don't buy them at all and give the money to me instead. On the plus side, I'm not carcinogenic, or so I'm told.
Part 2: Software. I hate software, and that is the end. Why? Because it is vital to computers and is difficult to install, and even harder to use. I installed some camera software for the new camera, and not only did it insist on not working (as in, it would tell me I needed to update it and personalise settings, but it would not actually load the software) but I needed it to work so I could upload videos. One day I shall form Dalsoft, a software company that does nothing, and does not make software. It will be the greatest service to the world ever since people stopped buying cigarettes and gave the money to me instead (Oh and I apologize for the health remark, pointing out that smoking kills is like captain obviousnessness talking. They should write 'Smoking is uncool' etc. on the warning labels, or not even have them, so people don't see smoking as such a death-defying adrenalin rush [I won't continue on this note, maybe another time, so google it for more info]).
Part 3; Cup noodle. I had one on the plane, and while delicious, you should probably eat the paper cup instead because it'd be more filling, taste better, and be better for you. I would have, but I didn't want to scald myself or sit in a puddle of boiling water for several hours, especially because that would be no good for the house of your future children, if you catch my drift. Still, cup noodle is delicious, and it will almost definitely not harm you to have a cup noodle.
Ok, that's me done. I might update the ol' Orange Painful in a while, but not likely I'll do it this week or month. I'll let you guys know.
Stay crunchy in milk,
~Alex
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Anthony: I <3 Terurists!
Terrorism. One word.
But the fear and change that this word inspires in our modern world will never cease to amaze me.
Before 9/11, terrorists were funny little Middle Eastern men with turbans who got lost on the way to bombing the post office.
Afther the incident, they are now tall, dark-clad Middle-Eastern men who seek nothing more than the senseless murder of innocents.
While I do say that it is closer to the mark that before, it's blown way out of proportion. I can imagine many terrorists would be scared out of their wits, bribed, guilted or threatened into carrying out the crime. They are human beings, just like most of the rest of us.
However, that neither reduces the sentence or the effect of the crime, and nor should it. What they do is not a good thing. Duh. (This bit is really just a disclamer)
What I find most alarming about this is the small fact of security.
Now, I do say that there is a case of before/after prejudice here.
If some security official had decided to install reinforced and locked doors on all commercial flights before 9/11, he would have been regarded as a paranoid official seeking to make life harder for us.
If he installed it AFTER, he is lauded as a hero for his valient efforts to protect the nation. You see how this goes, and there's little we can do about that. It's probably a good thing though, because if people were praised for pre-emptive measures all the time, we would have to come to the airport a week in advance, take drug tests, undergo strenuous physical and mental tests, run through simulations of plane flights (complete with all the discomfort of waiting for the loo), have full body cavity searches every other day and have all of our posessions burned to be on the safe side.
As things go now, that's not too far in the future. After the recent (failed) attack, the govnernment is considering installing full body scanners as well as metal detectors. Also, for airports that do not have these devices, apparently 'mandatory pat-downs' are reccomended.
My problem with these scanners is partly because they are capable of capturing images of people in the nude. I would feel just a little uneasy about this, but not overmuch, because I highly doubt anyone would want pictures of that.
But imagine what it could be used for, and despite the facts that it is 'intentionally blurred', and the person who views these images never sees the actual person, the possibilities are... less than ethical.
There is also apparently cheaper, less revealing software out there that is just as good at detecting any anomalies. Not sure why they're passing that one up. o.O
My overall prediction is that we will eventually be fired from giant cannons into trampolines, but they will remove the trampolines for fear they will be tampered with.
Problem solved.
But the fear and change that this word inspires in our modern world will never cease to amaze me.
Before 9/11, terrorists were funny little Middle Eastern men with turbans who got lost on the way to bombing the post office.
Afther the incident, they are now tall, dark-clad Middle-Eastern men who seek nothing more than the senseless murder of innocents.
While I do say that it is closer to the mark that before, it's blown way out of proportion. I can imagine many terrorists would be scared out of their wits, bribed, guilted or threatened into carrying out the crime. They are human beings, just like most of the rest of us.
However, that neither reduces the sentence or the effect of the crime, and nor should it. What they do is not a good thing. Duh. (This bit is really just a disclamer)
What I find most alarming about this is the small fact of security.
Now, I do say that there is a case of before/after prejudice here.
If some security official had decided to install reinforced and locked doors on all commercial flights before 9/11, he would have been regarded as a paranoid official seeking to make life harder for us.
If he installed it AFTER, he is lauded as a hero for his valient efforts to protect the nation. You see how this goes, and there's little we can do about that. It's probably a good thing though, because if people were praised for pre-emptive measures all the time, we would have to come to the airport a week in advance, take drug tests, undergo strenuous physical and mental tests, run through simulations of plane flights (complete with all the discomfort of waiting for the loo), have full body cavity searches every other day and have all of our posessions burned to be on the safe side.
As things go now, that's not too far in the future. After the recent (failed) attack, the govnernment is considering installing full body scanners as well as metal detectors. Also, for airports that do not have these devices, apparently 'mandatory pat-downs' are reccomended.
My problem with these scanners is partly because they are capable of capturing images of people in the nude. I would feel just a little uneasy about this, but not overmuch, because I highly doubt anyone would want pictures of that.
But imagine what it could be used for, and despite the facts that it is 'intentionally blurred', and the person who views these images never sees the actual person, the possibilities are... less than ethical.
There is also apparently cheaper, less revealing software out there that is just as good at detecting any anomalies. Not sure why they're passing that one up. o.O
My overall prediction is that we will eventually be fired from giant cannons into trampolines, but they will remove the trampolines for fear they will be tampered with.
Problem solved.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Alex: on 2010
Here are my educated predictions for 2010:
1. Smoking laws will be upped; if you say the word 'smoke' within a 100m vicinity of other people, you will be interpreted as advertising cigarettes to children, and sentenced to death.
2. People will complain about hospitals.
3. The drinking age will be raised to 40. 41-year-olds will applaud this move and talk about how it finally brings justice about, etc.
4. People will complain about the education system. Nothing will happen.
5. Facebook will be dead, because people will realise that it's just a less-fancy myspace, with less stalking.
6. K.Rudd's children's book will sell 1 million copies before someone decides that there are connotations associated with a female dog (a protagonist of the book), and all copies are burned. K.Rudd will be hated for no apparent reason.
7. Political Correctness will remove our interpretation of colour. We will hereby refer to people of all races as "equally coloured". The same applies for colours, until eventually buying paint will most likely be described as a hate crime when you ask for a coloured paint.
8. The ice caps will melt. Someone will complain, and it will be recorded as a hate crime among seawater. The offender will be hated by all.
9. Someone will point out that hip-hop sucks. Once again, hate crime.
10. Alcohol will be served in plastic glasses. People will cut them apart and scratch others with them.
11. People will realise that Kanye West - Taylor Swift jokes are NOT THAT FUNNY. GET OVER IT!
12. The Simpsons will continue to make episodes, regardless of quality. This is not necessarily a bad thing.
13. If you say the words 'young', 'child' or 'old', you will be shot. The new term is 'differently aged'. (On a similar note, disabled people ARE disabled, sorry but you are not differently abled, it is a disability when you are unable to perform certain bodily functions e.g; walking. It does not necessarily impair you, but it does not mean you are 'differently abled'.)
14. The man who originally said the word 'smoke' and was sentenced to death escapes the charge after claiming a discrimination charge.
15. There will be a miraculous increase in the Food industry, when police find knives in people's bags and they claim to be chefs. "I need this knife for work, and if you've got a problem with that, then that's discrimination."
16. Fat people will be told to "slim up" but they won't, and if you have a problem with that, then they'll sue you.
17. Advertising of alcohol and junk food will be banned in Australia, and it will be celebrated by having a massive party where McDonalds caters and Bundy provides free rum. Children under 18 "discouraged".
18. Saying the words 'McDonalds' or 'Bundy' will be known as advertising alcohol and junk food. Lawyer'd.
19. Instead of going to the bank to collect money, you will just sue someone. This will be the new method of financial gain, until you yourself get sued for something e.g; when someone breaks into your house for drug money and stubs their toe on your 'faulty' flooring.
20. Tiger Woods will be continually ridiculed, for a while longer.
That's all for now. More soon.
1. Smoking laws will be upped; if you say the word 'smoke' within a 100m vicinity of other people, you will be interpreted as advertising cigarettes to children, and sentenced to death.
2. People will complain about hospitals.
3. The drinking age will be raised to 40. 41-year-olds will applaud this move and talk about how it finally brings justice about, etc.
4. People will complain about the education system. Nothing will happen.
5. Facebook will be dead, because people will realise that it's just a less-fancy myspace, with less stalking.
6. K.Rudd's children's book will sell 1 million copies before someone decides that there are connotations associated with a female dog (a protagonist of the book), and all copies are burned. K.Rudd will be hated for no apparent reason.
7. Political Correctness will remove our interpretation of colour. We will hereby refer to people of all races as "equally coloured". The same applies for colours, until eventually buying paint will most likely be described as a hate crime when you ask for a coloured paint.
8. The ice caps will melt. Someone will complain, and it will be recorded as a hate crime among seawater. The offender will be hated by all.
9. Someone will point out that hip-hop sucks. Once again, hate crime.
10. Alcohol will be served in plastic glasses. People will cut them apart and scratch others with them.
11. People will realise that Kanye West - Taylor Swift jokes are NOT THAT FUNNY. GET OVER IT!
12. The Simpsons will continue to make episodes, regardless of quality. This is not necessarily a bad thing.
13. If you say the words 'young', 'child' or 'old', you will be shot. The new term is 'differently aged'. (On a similar note, disabled people ARE disabled, sorry but you are not differently abled, it is a disability when you are unable to perform certain bodily functions e.g; walking. It does not necessarily impair you, but it does not mean you are 'differently abled'.)
14. The man who originally said the word 'smoke' and was sentenced to death escapes the charge after claiming a discrimination charge.
15. There will be a miraculous increase in the Food industry, when police find knives in people's bags and they claim to be chefs. "I need this knife for work, and if you've got a problem with that, then that's discrimination."
16. Fat people will be told to "slim up" but they won't, and if you have a problem with that, then they'll sue you.
17. Advertising of alcohol and junk food will be banned in Australia, and it will be celebrated by having a massive party where McDonalds caters and Bundy provides free rum. Children under 18 "discouraged".
18. Saying the words 'McDonalds' or 'Bundy' will be known as advertising alcohol and junk food. Lawyer'd.
19. Instead of going to the bank to collect money, you will just sue someone. This will be the new method of financial gain, until you yourself get sued for something e.g; when someone breaks into your house for drug money and stubs their toe on your 'faulty' flooring.
20. Tiger Woods will be continually ridiculed, for a while longer.
That's all for now. More soon.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Anthony: I am not an optomist.
No siree. I am far from it.
I am not optomistic about 2010 in the slightest. I'm already seeing signs of it's imminent fail.
First of, despite all the contrary signs, they kept making the crappy glasses that proudly bear the number of the newest year to come our way.
I thought it would end when they ran out of the "00"'s in the middle of the number, but they somehow managed to make glasses with the eyepieces in the "01". Don't ask me how they did it.
Also, the weather so far has been shite.
And I have to face the HS this year. Fun times will not be had by all.
Have fun with all your years.
I am not optomistic about 2010 in the slightest. I'm already seeing signs of it's imminent fail.
First of, despite all the contrary signs, they kept making the crappy glasses that proudly bear the number of the newest year to come our way.
I thought it would end when they ran out of the "00"'s in the middle of the number, but they somehow managed to make glasses with the eyepieces in the "01". Don't ask me how they did it.
Also, the weather so far has been shite.
And I have to face the HS this year. Fun times will not be had by all.
Have fun with all your years.
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