UPDATE

Been a few days, kinda busy with stuff, so I'm just going to throw out a few links at you people and hope you click them. Pretty please?

http://innovation-gremlin.deviantart.com/ It's my deviant.

http://thedubiouslycreatedcomic.smackjeeves.com/ It's my comic. It updates Wed, Sat Sun 12:00 +10 GMT

http://clockworkcopy.deviantart.com/ Sir Dowlands deviant.

http://orangepainful.blogspot.com/ His blog.

The Art

There an art in the world that is one of the most underestimated things I have ever seen, and the most abused.
It is the art of Annoyance.

People who are annoying as a character trait have the skill to perform this art whenever, without realizing it. It's something that comes intuitively. We don't pick through the options, we go for it. Just like a good musician, it all flows.

Some people try too hard.
In my maths class, people try to annoy Miss Werner (teacher) in the worst ways.
A bunch of year sevens try to annoy me as much as they can.
Same goes for some year 8's.
The list is confined to some very simple groups, but they all fail miserably at being annoying in the conventional sense, and that's all we need to know.
The only reason they ever are annoying is how frustrating it is to see them flail around at options without any conscious decision, or reel their options out one by one like Russian roulette.

It's like watching someone fail at reading the alphabet. I get very fustrated very easily with people who are not as smart as me or not as good as me in an area, and I meet a lot of these people. (Sounds very stuck up, dunnit?)

It's for this reason that I decided to write a book, called, rather predictably, The Art of Annoyance.
It's going well.

But it's not going to be able to teach what comes with practice: Quick retorts, the most apt reply, question dodging and finding the one thing that annoys a completely blank person. Being snappy with your answers and turning insults and taunts right back on the offender in a second or less.

It WILL teach you to word insults that are more than nonsense, find flaws and exploit them. There are lists of situations and words. The trick is to put it all together. And that takes practice.
It's not a bludge subject, people.

Chain Mail

This is one of the subjects that I feel deserves an in depth, critically cynical examination.

I;m going to start off assuming you are relatively sheltered from internet stupidity and explain exactly what chain mail is, if only because it'll pack more 'content' into this post and make it look like I actually wrote something of interest.

Chain mail is the annoying practice of posting a message that demands you forward or copy and paste it to a certain number of people or sites, threatening a messy/painful/otherwise undesirable consequence that is often rather supernatural as a reason to do so.
Sometimes the poster is nice enough to have a reward for posting it up to or over the requirement. Other times, the mail will just be a slogan, image or phrase with the words underneath "All true people, copy and paste!" or something along the lines.

The posting of this message spurs many young people to re-post it all over the internet. I'm assuming they're young because most people capable of using the internet over the age of thirty have developed the brain of at least a retarded crab, and can therefore distinguish between bullshit and something worthwhile.

Well, the starters of these messages must be laughing their asses of, sitting behind their monitors and piles of takeaway boxes. And sure, they have a point.

It's not them you have to hate, because at least they have a sense of humor. It's the terrified pre-teens, teens and occasionally twenty-something people who believe that a message started by one guy can warp the fabric of reality and inflict the thousands of people who read it with an identical fate through the script of the website it is posted on, and that the consequences of the letter have so far eluded the news.

I mean, mass outbreaks of creepy well girls, giant spiders, corpses with their eyes gouged out wandering the streets and unexplained disturbances would surely reach anyone and everyone, even if they had no T.V, radio, internet or regular contact with other people. Not even the Government, or his cousin The Man could cover all that up.

Add to this the fact that many of these chain letters are hurridly compiled and spelled worse than a love letter written by an easily excitable fourth grader, and you have something no rational person could believe in.

There may, of course, be other reasons for the circulation of the letters.
A: Everyone is in on the joke and sends it to other people, thinking they are not.
This is discredited because the average intelligence of any of the aforementioned age groups is less than a retarded crab, and is evidently capable of believing such garbage. This is evident at the forums of such sites as www.newgrounds.com, the chan boards and just about any comment box on a gaming website.

B: There are enough people out there that form a group of people dedicated to circulating these messages.
This seems unlikely, since then the messages would be better formulated and far more widely scattered than the current ones are.

C: They are all real, and posted by real supernatural creatures who cannot type properly and have acess to the internet, and decide that pre-teens are the best way to spread their message.
If this is true, then there must be a lot of supernatural creatures out there. I wonder what happens when more than one gets dibs on onre guy? Do they fight it out, or take turns?

Look, to believe in a chain message, you have to believe in a whole list of implausable things.

1: That supernatural creatures exist.
2: They cannot spell properly.
3: They have acess to the internet.
4: They hate pre-teens.
5: They can escape The Government and The Man, and Them. And no-one can do that.
6: They are capable of monitoring every single person to view the message.
7: They can affect the lives of us mortals.
8: They think a suitable challenge is whether or not we post some text on various sites.
9: They can therefore be in many places at once.
10: They can dispose of thousands of bodies.
11: They cannot be defeated or escaped.
12: They can use the code of the sites to alter our lives.
13: If they do not seek to hurt us, they seek to reward us for copy/pasting.
14: There are so many of these that it's almost impossible to fufill the requirements of every single one you see, since they're everywhere.
15: What happens if you see your own chain message, one that you copied?
16: What happens if you fufill the requirements, and then see the message posted again by someone else? Do you have to do it all again?
17: If you post more than the required, do they carry over to the next message you see?
18: Concerning cult pledges, how does copy/pasting make us more a member?

Sure, I'm just retarded enough to believe that all that is true. I also believe in flying pigs, that Bush was a robot (Though that's almost reasonable) and we are all really cyborgs, and the government has chips in our heads. Just a little rational though would be nice, people. Even realising ONE of these would be enough to dissuade you from copy pasting.

*Sigh*
So go and paste this everywhere in the hopes that people will realize how retarded it all is.
Heheh, jokes.

Improvisation

I love improvisation, and am able to improvise anytime except when I need to, which sucks.

A mention to a certain Ashley Cleavin, who's the 4th person to follow me and someone with a vast array of technological goods and the only person I know that can keep Mrs Foster away with bullshit answers. Props to him.


Otherwise, I have nothing to say.








Seriously, go away.

At risk of being dangerously offensive:

DISCLAIMER ALERT: I do not intend to make light of cancer or AIDS or HIV, all of which are life threatening diseases and are capable of immense damage. I wholeheartedly support any donation to their cure. They both need to go.

But still:
Why are people so sensetive about cancer and aids?
Not to belittle them or anything, since they are both very nasty afflictions, and I pity anyone who has had them. And apologize if I offend them GREATLY.

People have a real problem with ANYTHING to do with these topics.
Other diseases, such as gut worms, flu, black death, pneumoconiosis, bronchitis, sleeping sickness, cholera, dengue fever, hepatitis, malaria, measels, bronchitis, dysentry, osteoperosis, heart failure, typhoid, typhoid, lockjaw, and many many many many many more conjure up less offended reactions.

I'm fairly sure all of these diseases can at the very least kill old people.
Okay, maybe not all of them are as SEVERE, and all are curable, but to an extent, so is HIV, and cancer. New cures are being developed and they are the most researched diseases on the planet.
Awareness about these is everywhere and neither of those is a surefire death sentence. Sure, AIDS has a 99% death rate, but HIV is different. And since you can avoid both HIV and AIDS by being cautions, it's not like cancer in that it is not heriditary. You have to CATCH it.

So why are they such a big deal? If I wrote a song about, say, hepatitis, the response would be significantly less that if I wrote a song about cancer. (Sorry everyone, I have.)

It seems that cancer and aids are taboo topics. If anyone knows anyone with/who has died/is dying/has/had relatives who are dying from either, and you mention it, you are on the death row.
And not even for making jokes about it. You can mention it, refer to the fact that people are less likely to die from it, say that other diseases are worse, that dying in a certain way kills more/is worse, and so on.
I've done all of these, and once, when I said that getting burned alive in a pit of scorpions would be worse than cancer of the crotch, some bitch slapped me. I said it out loud to myself, because I'm a weird person, during lunch in the canteen line, and the girl in front of me slapped me and ran away crying. Now, that was a bit weird, and I felt kinda guilty. But, I later overheard her outside our clasroom telling her friend that I was a heartless bastard and, (I kid you not) I deserved to die of cancer of the genitals, then be reincarnated and burned alive in a pit of scorpions, and then reincarnated and die from cancer all over again for the rest of eternity. What the HELL? I felt a little less sympathetic. But I still was going to apologize, until I heard that the only relation to cancer she had ever had was her great-grandmother. Come ON!
I might have been able to understand it if, say, her mother or grandmother even, had cancer. But her GREAT grandmother who had (as I later found out) died before she was born.

The facts of the case lie before me and are as stated below:

Exhibit A: Death by being dropped, while on fire, into a pit of scorpions, all of which are venomous.
Observations: Being on fire is reportedly one of the most excruciating things to suffer from, according to many witnesses. Being stung by scorpions repeatedly is also very painful, possibly likened to being stabbed with needles repeatedly. Risk of being stabbed in crotch, armpits, eyes, mouth and other sensitive spots. Please note that ALL of subject will be on fire.

Exhibit B: Death by testicular/cervical cancer.
Observations: Cervical cancer symptoms include periodic pelvic pain, especially during urination, sensitivity, bleeding after contact, loss of appetite, weight loss, fatigue, leaking (ew) and the spreading of the cancer to other organs, continuing the cycle.

Testicular cancer (which has one of the highest rates of being cured in all cancers) causes lumps, sensitivity, swelling, loss of sexual ability and interest (ouch) ache in crotch area, blood in semen and occasionally urine, spread of the cancer, and tiring and weakening of subject.

Conclusion: Given that dying of cancer would be a slower process, (1 point) but less painful, and any subject would have the option of taking medication for the pain, and to slow the cancer, (we are taking it as definite that the subject would die, as is the topic), but it is a more emotionally devastating affliction (1 point) and traumatic for those around you (1 point) and also an invasion of the most private and treasured part of your body (1 point), I give crotch cancer a a rating of 4.

Dying of being on fire all over the body (2 points) while being stabbed by scorpions all over (2 points) is much faster, and a rather sudden one. Also noting that your CROTCH would be on fire, and stabbed by scorpions. You would go blind, (1 point) and possibly get scorpion in your mouth, though that would be the least of your worries. Rated 5.


It's therefore a matter of personal preference, but I do believe that dying by the scorpion/fire thing would be worse.

I think that the offender overreacted, and when confronted was not able to form a coherent argument, only that "Cancer is really bad, and it's not cool to make light of it and..." followed by several rather vocal opinions of my future and its relation to cancer.

Okay, I think I've carried this far enough and offended enough people. I've argued my course, and intend in no way changing my opinion. One is not enough to show the opinions of all, but certainly many people overreact about cancer, at the very least. The facts are shown. I rest my case.

Offensive to Everyone.

I've realized that I'm have a godsent gift to be offensive to absolutely anyone.
In fact, most of what I do is probably just generally offensive. I have a knack for finding out what offends and irritates people best, usually through careful planning and some trial and error.

Religious people especially.
It's fun. :D

Musical Discrimination and Cults.

Music attracts some of the most opinionated and deluded people in the world, and somehow leads them to believe that;
a) Their ideas are correct, everyone else is wrong.
and b) Everyone else wants to know, and cares deeply.

Sounds somewhat like me, eh?

Well, I've got some very definate opinions on the subject, as usual.
Firstly, I don't believe that the artist/s should get in the way of the actual music. Sure, love them, hate them, be like them, but don't use them as an excuse to bash the music.
Personally, I hate a great many artists (because they're media whores and douche bags in general) but I listen to their music regularly.

Secondly, the fact that musicians often have a 'stage' personality and a real one. People get these confused, and just because they act a certain way when on stage or in a video, hate on them when in reality it was a stunt, or part of the act. Learn to differentiate, guys.

Lastly (phew) is the subject of labeling. As in, 'If you hate one song, hate them all', and 'If you hate this genre, hate them' and so forth and so on.
It really makes little difference to me. If I like music, I like it. I hate on certain genres out of experience, and almost always there's an exception.
For example: Rap/rock blend, hate them all, except for HU
Hate new wave/hip hop, except for Kevin R
It goes on. And there are few of the good olds that I hate.

And it continually shocks me how narrow minded some people can be. It will do forever more.

Writing, and the ins and outs.

Those who are not really bookly-inclined, tune out. If any of you are actually reading my blog. I hope not.

Writing is one of those arts that is so easy to plagiarize. A quote or technique here, a phrase there and you've got yourself something worthwhile that's not all yours.
Is it really that bad a thing?

Taking points, phrases and sayings from other books is not actually all that bad. It's all in the creative intrest. Now, I'm not saying that you SHOULD steal, but if there's a phrase or saying there that matches something you've got, there's no laws and certainly no reason against lifting that phrase and placing it in your book.

However, there are limits to this. Taking characters, plots and devices from anything else is a bit iffy, and you certainly should not rely on it. But if there is a choice bit of wording, take it.

I say this because I have taken little metaphors and similes and all those bits myself from time to time, and they fit in quite nicely. There's nothing wrong with a bit of inspiration, though it can be taken too far. This is one of those techniques that is to be judged and used carefully and sparingly, but when you find an ideal point, feel free.

I say this because I've had a lot of accusations recently from people both real and internetized telling me that I've taken so and so's style or characters, or something along the lines. They happen to be completley wrong on the points they highlighted, however. But it strikes me that people have a bug up their arse about this stuff. There's a fine line between plaugurism and inspiration. Some people have no idea where the line is. I may be one of them, and may be COMPLETLEY in the wrong, but I don't think so.

Quadbikes, drops and ice skating.

Well, I've had an interesting week, and whether or not you guys want to, you're going to read about it.

Camp was, as predicted, shit in many parts. The food was the equivalent of a dead beagle's intestines. The crew were patronizing and the activities, for the most part, were crap.
There were a few exceptions to this rule. One was leap of faith, where you climbed a ten metre wooden pole, stood on top of it, (about 40cm sq, if that) and leapt. With no harness.

Haha, nah, you had a harness. It was pretty fun.

The other was quadbiking. It was the most overrated, but also the most fun. (weird, eh?)
You can Google for details, I have more pressing things to talk about than me getting muddy.

The worst activity was Welfare, where they tried to teach us about friendship and all that jazz. Like I DONT know about that, guys. It's a little late for that, this is like, year 3 material.

Jeez.

The cabin I was in could have been better, but also could have been worse. The first night, the guys in my room would NOT shut up, so I left and slept on the cowch in the common room of our cabin. I, however, did not recon on the 'gangstah' group in the room diagonal from us. They were pretty loud, and several times crept past and threw waterbombs at sleeping people. I was officialy named 'The Couch Kid'. I considered retreating into my room, but one cannot make a gracious return after telling everyone "Shut the fuck up, you sound like weasels on crack!", or something along those lines.
I got 3 hours sleep.

In the morning, we realized that the tea-and-coffee making facilities were not for us. I tried to take a teabag from the very open rack and was told off. So while cleaning up Alex pilfered some tea and coffee (instant) and we drank both over the course of the few days. The coffee, although crap, woke me up, and I vowed never to drink it again. It was almost as bad as the camp food.

The second night, Gideon kept turning our lights on, so we got Pat (short for Patrick, one of the 'homies') to slap him. Funnily enough, he did. That was awesome.

The SWEET RAVE PARTY was the best. Alex, bored, dared me to pretend I was gay and talk Adam Zimaris up, and it was well worth it to see the look on his face. (Somewhere between a constipated hamster and a dying goldfish.) Then we went and raved for an hour or two, danced and had fun.

Lolz.

In other news, I have a not very official girlfriend, and Alex is busy trying to convince me that she's a man. Personally, I thinks it's hillarious that it's ME with the first girl between us, mainly because we made lots of jokes in year 6-7 about us and girls and our crushes.

Ice skating is fun. I've skated for 4 hours in total over 2 weeks, and I can now skate faster than a moderatly active turtle.
Some douchebag decided to crash into me this lesson, and I managed to stay upright for a full second before falling on my left arm and swearing. I mean, jeez. I've skated for 4 hours, and I can manage not to hit people going slower than me. It's not like it was crowded or anything. And now my arm is stiff and painy, and I cannot use it for most things. It's a BITCH typing with one hand, and even worse using shift. (Hooray for CAPS LOCK)

Though, it strikes me as weird. I'm whizzing around on two knives on ice. Why? Who came up with this?

Christ.

I'm now attempsting to do things like cook and do H/W without straining my arm. Whoo, boy, sleep is going to be fun. A poll is up, over at the 31st. Go vote.

School camp always SUCKS. But, yet again, I'm going to one in the hope that it will not be the catastrophe that it is actually inevitably be.
Christ, every time I go to a camp, every SINGLE one of the advisers is a patronizing bastard/bitch/gorilla. Seriously.

so, I'll be away till Thursday. My comic will auto-update as per usual, on Wednesday. Check it. till then, I'll be packing.

Also, this is a shout out to all concerning my good friend, Alex D. He runs the blog Painfully Orange, which is really orange. He is wise beyond his years, (sometimes) and is the only person who can actually STOP me from setting things on fire and match my intellectual mind. (lol.)
Well, the only one under 16.
He has a deviant at http://clockworkcopy.deviantart.com/, where he runs the only currently active comic of his.

Go and see what he has to offer, and encourage him to update his comic more often. Also, make him blog about things, since he has a very unique brand of situational humor.

Ice Skating.

I can now ice skate. Yay?
I'm really not angry about anything today. This could be some sort of record.

Today's been good.

Wow, I've got nothing to talk about. Oooooh. Damn.

Guess you guys are going to have to wait for some content. Sorry. :D

Mr Happy is Dead.

Today was a good day. Which is to say that some of my subjects were not complete wrecks. There was not, and still is not, (to a large extent) any clouds in the sky. I actually got work done, and did my Maths homework.

But, as you all probably know by now, there are lots of people out there who conspire to turn my otherwise happy, productive days into a nightmare of PAIN and fustration. Who? You ask.

1: Daniel Zachochanski. He can be one of the most annoying people EVER. And he is completely oblivious to the fact.
2: Adam Zimaris. The biggest douche on the planet. He has the most high pitched voice and is as annoying as hell. And guess what he was doing ALL the way home on the bus? Complaining about someone with those traits. Right behind me.

3: Actually, this one requires an in depth explanation.

I came off the bus, and lo and behold, my sister and mother are in the garage, going to open the door. Seeing as this will negate the trip up to the front door for me, (about 10 seconds) I join them. I mean, they're family, right?

Well, yes. But that apparently means nothing. I was greeted by the phrase "So where's your front door key?" and a five minute lecture on my forgetfullness and other failings. I had the key in my POCKET. I said so, several times. Silly me, logic has no place here.

So I go up to the front door instead. I mean, of course, I'm in the wrong here. I should KNOW by now that I can't do anything right. It's obviously my fault that I use my brain.
DUH.

What a perfect ending to the day. I now leave you to COOK for this lovley person and get yelled at in return. For the next 3 weeks.

Hulooz.

Just out here to share some of my startlingly braindead insights. Or not.
This is just an update to tell you all that I'm still alive.
Dad, If you're reading, the fuzzle work is udnerway.
Alex, If you are, cantalopes.
Nick, if YOU are.. um...... something. I say something.

My comic is underway at www.thedubiouslycreatedcomic.smackjeeves.com though it is still in beta. go see.