I Fucking Hate: The trendy emo/goth scene.

Go suck a fucking whale penis. You're not sad, mad or different. You're just attention-whoring.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Chain Mail

This is one of the subjects that I feel deserves an in depth, critically cynical examination.

I;m going to start off assuming you are relatively sheltered from internet stupidity and explain exactly what chain mail is, if only because it'll pack more 'content' into this post and make it look like I actually wrote something of interest.

Chain mail is the annoying practice of posting a message that demands you forward or copy and paste it to a certain number of people or sites, threatening a messy/painful/otherwise undesirable consequence that is often rather supernatural as a reason to do so.
Sometimes the poster is nice enough to have a reward for posting it up to or over the requirement. Other times, the mail will just be a slogan, image or phrase with the words underneath "All true people, copy and paste!" or something along the lines.

The posting of this message spurs many young people to re-post it all over the internet. I'm assuming they're young because most people capable of using the internet over the age of thirty have developed the brain of at least a retarded crab, and can therefore distinguish between bullshit and something worthwhile.

Well, the starters of these messages must be laughing their asses of, sitting behind their monitors and piles of takeaway boxes. And sure, they have a point.

It's not them you have to hate, because at least they have a sense of humor. It's the terrified pre-teens, teens and occasionally twenty-something people who believe that a message started by one guy can warp the fabric of reality and inflict the thousands of people who read it with an identical fate through the script of the website it is posted on, and that the consequences of the letter have so far eluded the news.

I mean, mass outbreaks of creepy well girls, giant spiders, corpses with their eyes gouged out wandering the streets and unexplained disturbances would surely reach anyone and everyone, even if they had no T.V, radio, internet or regular contact with other people. Not even the Government, or his cousin The Man could cover all that up.

Add to this the fact that many of these chain letters are hurridly compiled and spelled worse than a love letter written by an easily excitable fourth grader, and you have something no rational person could believe in.

There may, of course, be other reasons for the circulation of the letters.
A: Everyone is in on the joke and sends it to other people, thinking they are not.
This is discredited because the average intelligence of any of the aforementioned age groups is less than a retarded crab, and is evidently capable of believing such garbage. This is evident at the forums of such sites as www.newgrounds.com, the chan boards and just about any comment box on a gaming website.

B: There are enough people out there that form a group of people dedicated to circulating these messages.
This seems unlikely, since then the messages would be better formulated and far more widely scattered than the current ones are.

C: They are all real, and posted by real supernatural creatures who cannot type properly and have acess to the internet, and decide that pre-teens are the best way to spread their message.
If this is true, then there must be a lot of supernatural creatures out there. I wonder what happens when more than one gets dibs on onre guy? Do they fight it out, or take turns?

Look, to believe in a chain message, you have to believe in a whole list of implausable things.

1: That supernatural creatures exist.
2: They cannot spell properly.
3: They have acess to the internet.
4: They hate pre-teens.
5: They can escape The Government and The Man, and Them. And no-one can do that.
6: They are capable of monitoring every single person to view the message.
7: They can affect the lives of us mortals.
8: They think a suitable challenge is whether or not we post some text on various sites.
9: They can therefore be in many places at once.
10: They can dispose of thousands of bodies.
11: They cannot be defeated or escaped.
12: They can use the code of the sites to alter our lives.
13: If they do not seek to hurt us, they seek to reward us for copy/pasting.
14: There are so many of these that it's almost impossible to fufill the requirements of every single one you see, since they're everywhere.
15: What happens if you see your own chain message, one that you copied?
16: What happens if you fufill the requirements, and then see the message posted again by someone else? Do you have to do it all again?
17: If you post more than the required, do they carry over to the next message you see?
18: Concerning cult pledges, how does copy/pasting make us more a member?

Sure, I'm just retarded enough to believe that all that is true. I also believe in flying pigs, that Bush was a robot (Though that's almost reasonable) and we are all really cyborgs, and the government has chips in our heads. Just a little rational though would be nice, people. Even realising ONE of these would be enough to dissuade you from copy pasting.

*Sigh*
So go and paste this everywhere in the hopes that people will realize how retarded it all is.
Heheh, jokes.

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