Copenhagen Fail ~ALEX

Hey all, another blog post from me. This one's only quick.

A few days ago, we received the results from the Copenhagen climate summit. And the result is that ALL THE WORLD'S COUNTRIES have agreed to keep global warming to only a 2 degree increase! Remarkable!

First of all, I'll bring up the obvious points:
1. I don't believe in global warming. Nothing against those who do, but that's just me personally.
2. Youth Decide's decision to reduce emissions by 50% (wishful thinking!) cheapen the opinion of the world's youth. It was essentially the equivalent of the 2-year-old who says "I wanna be a ca-pila!" and everyone says "Awww how cute" and thinks; "Yeah right."
3. The plane trips and burning of fossil fuels in transit was an obvious irony.

Now to the main point. Saying "we want to keep global warming to only a 2 degree increase" is like saying "Global Warming is bad. We must think of a way to stop it!" Basically, it accomplishes nothing. I probably thought harder about it more than the entire body of countries, and I slept less in the process (zing! refer to pictures in various newspapers of country reps. sleeping through meetings).

As I said, I don't believe in Global Warming. However, this isn't about Global Warming. It's about government incompetence. We elected you, the least you could do is to be competent. K.Rudd, where are you when we need you? Surely you must be competent, even if every single member of the labor government isn't?

I'll blog again soon. Comment if you have more to add or acknowledge my opinion (good or bad).

~Alex

I feel all Christmassy inside ~Alex

Ok, so I normally write about a lot of other things, things that actually matter. Well, I think seeing as it's around Christmas time, I should comment on my own views on the subject.

First of all, I am not an Atheist. I am not a Christian. The truth is, I believe in a higher power that co-ordinates all things including our own actions but does not need to be constantly and readily acknowledged. Fair enough belief right? (If you observe my religion on Facebook it's listed as Church of Dalland, but even I know it's only more legit than Scientology...)

Anyhow, long story short that's what I believe in. Here are some other views I have on religion;

1. Atheism is a religion.

Think about it. In the UK, Atheists have started to advertise themselves upon buses, expressing the great possibility that there is no god. Atheists are constantly religion-bashing and trying to convince others that Atheism is, in essence, "the one true faith" (this is not a quotation, merely a likening of their point to one more fitting for someone part of the world's largest [non]religion.) If you ask me, mainstream atheism has all the hallmarks of a real religion. Therefore, they should make and celebrate THEIR OWN HOLIDAYS! If you hate Christians so much, why do you celebrate their religions? This should be made clear to all serious atheists, so that you can celebrate your own damn religions.

2. Christmas Message.

People complain a lot about teaching stuff in school, a good example being Creationism/Evolution. Teaching the Christmas Message should be compulsory in school if you celebrate Christmas i.e; almost everyone. Unless you strongly don't celebrate Christmas in any way, then you are exempt. Otherwise however, you must learn the meaning of Christmas in order to better appreciate the purpose of the celebration. Otherwise it's just a free ride, and really that's not fair to Christians. I don't suddenly decide "Yes, it's bar mitzvah time! Ca-ching!" despite the fact that I am definitely not jewish. No. Do others? Not that I know of. Christmas and Easter are two different stories. Don't celebrate something that you don't believe in. Just don't.

3. The ongoing argument.

Leave people to their own religions. If you're Christian, don't try and convert others, especially with fancy commercials and edgy billboards. Religion should not be cool. Period. Religion is an answer to life, not an impulse purchase at the checkout of Woolworths. This applies to Atheism as well. Don't purposefully try to disillusion others of their religions, that's just like walking up to small children and carefully making an air-tight argument about how Santa Claus doesn't exist. As is said; "You're just jealous because you're not having any fun."

I celebrate Christmas, despite my non-Christianity. However, I do hold the belief that it's likely that 2009 years ago as of December 25, a man named Jesus was born, and lived a life that ended with a crucifixion. I don't deny this, and indeed, it's completely possible that all these events happened. Many people can argue; "But how do you know he rose from the dead, and was God's son?"

Well, that's why they call it a 'faith'.

Comment if you have any extra opinion,

Alex

Anthony-'Tis the Season to be Grumpy, tralala, lalalala.

Ah, Christmas. For us in Australia, this means no school, lots of sun, warm pools, lazy afternoons and all the pleasures of shopping in a crowded mall in 30+ degree temperatures.

James, a good friend of mine, has started blogging. His post is below, for your viewing pleasure.
(James, I have made some minor alterations to your post, I'll run over them with you as soon as you give me your email). As he has already made many points about consumerism and the meaning of Christmas, much of what I was going to say has been rendered redundant.

I will instead focus on something better: How cold it is in England. According to Rob, it is cold enough to freeze his nipples off.
The temperature over there is predicted to be somewhat in the region of 0 degrees.
Fun times.

As i type, there are a bunch of disorderly and loud people having a social get-together a few houses down, and I bet that most of them are not very religious. Neither do they, when they open presents, think of Jesus.

Christmas is no longer a primarily religious celebration. I've never met an atheist that would miss out on the oppurtunity to get free shit. That's what it is to me as well. Sure, it's a time to be happy and forgiving, but I feel no guilt for piggybacking of a holiday that someone else invented and believes in. They can do my believing for me, because right now, I'm too busy getting free shit.

All those people who complain and boycot christmas because it;s not their religion have missed the point: It's not a religious holiday. If it was, it wouldn't be a full western celebration. It;s a public holiday.

End.

Quote of the Post:

You have to find a way of working that makes it dead easy to take full advantage of your inspired moments. They never hit at a convenient time, nor do they last long.

Hugh Macleod

James-First Blog Entry -Christmas

Okay, so excuse me if this isn't really good. Believe me, I'm sorry if:

1) It isn't funny, interesting or indeed anything at all
2) This is completely irrelevant and you don't think anything of it
3) If me grammar and spelling is really bad, I may have got an A in English but for some reasons I've always had a problem with grammar (also the bad grammar in that point was an example, I'm not really that bad, but you get the idea)
4) If I make bad puns ( I have a habit of doing it, so please bear with me)

I'm the same age as Alex and Anthony and I'm sure there is no way that I will ever catch up to their high quality of blog writing (note: sucking up, look I need to put in a good word for them seeing as they allowed me to write this entry in the first place), and I also am someone who believes in freedom of the press and stuff like that, much like Anthony.

Now with my introduction out of the way. I will move on to what I really wanted to write about which is the way in which Christmas is marketed now-a-days. So I'm a Baha'i, so I'm not Christian but I firmly believe that Christmas should not be about what it is about now. I'm sure most people would agree with me, Christmas is not a celebration of someone's birthday but rather an excuse for the multi-national companies to sell more stock and drive up profits. Today I went shopping (yes I know I'm over using the brackets and it's getting old but for me going shopping is a big deal) and yes I have noticed this before but seriously I find it annoying how everything is dressed up for Christmas and how you must get everything to satisfy you and your friends and family's appetite for gifts.

It probably sounds like I am nit-picking here, but it honestly annoys me. Every Christmas and every Easter I cannot believe the sham that the holidays have become. If you are Christian then you should be celebrating the birth of Jesus in a way that doesn't involve buying heaps of things, and if you are non-religious (which I know Anthony is) then you should just keep going on with your lives (although I do reckon that the public holidays should be kept because everyone needs the opportunity to get off work and do nothing!)

So I ask you all to think of other this Christmas, and not in the way James and Erica Packer did, they gave a village of Africans a $200 water pump despite the fact that they are amongst the richest people in Australia. No I ask all of the 5 or so people that actually read this blog to help the people in your local community, not with money, but with time and effort, because we must start somewhere in making this world a better place.

Yes I know this blog entry broke at least 3 of the top 4 rules, I'd like to here which ones it was successful in breaking though, just so next time I can make sure that I break all of my rules, coz really who doesn't wanna be a rebel?

Yea, James
( check out my crappy website where I have my own blog that I never write in @: Shoalla.tk)

Anthony: Twilight and the Twitards

For those of you who are lucky enough to be sheilded from this plauge in book form, Twilight, or the Twilight Saga is a poorly written series of vampire romance books which is now being converted into a poorly written and acted series of vampire romance movies.

Normally, I'd just go "Oh, look. No, wait, don't." and go drink some tea and forget about the whole damn thing. My life would be better for it too.
But the most allarming thing about this movement, and I call it a movement for later explained reasons, is its very scary and rapidly exploding fanbase. I should actually call it a 'fagbase', or a 'crazy-obsessive-spastic-base', but for simplicities sake, we stick with fanbase.

There are an astoundign number of people that like this series. Most of them are batshit insane.
Case in point: 40-year old mothers outside studios and movie theaters clamoring for one of the lead actors, a predominatley-shirtless twenty-something. Note that if it were men clamouring for a female, they would all be arrested, because that's just creepy.

You get rabid fangirls who stalk people because they look like one of the main characters, stab people who dont 'believe in Twilight', and otherwise disrupt the normal lives of others.
Go to www.twilightsucks.com, or just google twilight sucks, and you will find a site dedicated to unveiling the giant, readable turd that this series is. On the forums, they have a particularly disturbing section, a catalouge of twilight offenses.

We're talking bricks to the head, home invasion, stabbing, clubbing, abuse, broken limbs and flare gun burns. Almost all by the twilight fans. There are a few incidents where the roles have been reversed, but they are the 5% minority.

Search google, do your own research, and see just how far this thing is going. Its like a religious movement sweeping across the world. The Twilightism. (On a completley unrelated note, join Alex's new religion, The Church of Dowlaaand: It's at least more legit that Scientology)

Have fun, and recognise the series for what it is: An overblown fanfiction about sparkly, vegitarian vampires.

WARNING: READING THIS BLOG CAUSES DIFFERENCE IN OPINION ~Alex

Be warned, I wrote most of this a little while ago, and so some current affairs may be out of date by about 2 months or so. Enjoy:

Here it is. A new topic.

Once again, Alcohol has been criticized. People notice that young people drink and cause violence. This happens again and again, and nothing is done. Why? I don't know. Maybe because alcohol is not seen as bad. They want to stop violence? here's the first thing they did wrong;

1. Alcohol is seen in a completely different light; cast by popular culture and heritage, rather than health and understanding. Ask most teenagers (especially ones with access to alcohol) about alcohol and they'd say; "Oh sure, I'd go and get smashed this weekend. The massive hangover would still be worth it." However, of course having one cigarette would give you lung cancer and kill you. (Please note, I DO NOT endorse smoking, this is purely comparison between two legal mainstream non-hallucinogenic drugs for the purposes of argument. Do not smoke, it's really bad.) Here is the part where they are wrong:

-Alcohol is not only a drug that can be dangerous to you, it can be dangerous to others.

-Alcohol can cause cancers (and no, this is not an 'everything causes cancer' thing, it actually greatly increases risk of getting certain cancers such as mouth and liver)

-People around cigarettes can see smoke, and know when they are at risk. Chances are, you wouldn't see the drunk driver that rendered you a quadriplegic for the rest of your life.

Many people can argue with this, but deep in yourself you know this stuff is true.

When it was decided that mouthwash could increase the risk of cancer (the could [in italics] was later proven false very quickly) people went into uproar. They threw out their mouthwash like crazy, suddenly deciding that they must be at risk. The carcinogen, scientists claimed, was ethanol. Ethanol is exactly the same as pure alcohol, and guess what? You don't drink mouthwash! So while people were chucking out their Listerine, and still having a couple of Bundy&Coke's every night, guess which was the real cancer causer? I shouldn't have to tell you. It's still currently decided on that the two greatest risks of mouth cancer are cigarettes (tobacco, essentially) and alcohol.

Once again, people underestimate alcohol. No matter what people believe, most other mainstream drugs, although they can ruin your life, will not render others around you a quadriplegic. Alcohol can do this, in the form of drunk driving. If you go onto Youtube and look up this stuff it can really be quite scary. People become horribly mutilated as burns victims, and yet Smoking is the only legal drug submitted to biased propaganda.

According to an anti-smoking poster I once saw, smoking will immediately make you bony, with pale paper-thin skin of which cancerous organs are hanging out of. Your breath will be fly-infested, your hair greasy regardless of showering habits, and of course, you will have unexplainable puddles of slime on the ground beside you. THIS IS NOT AN EXAGGERATION, I ACTUALLY SAW A POSTER EXACTLY LIKE THIS. Yet nothing on Alcohol, despite the fact that it's most likely that smoking will not render you a quadriplegic for the rest of your miserable life.

One politician suggested placing warning labels on alcohol similar to those on cigarette packets and packaging of other tobacco products. The difference? Smoking health warnings feature a cancerous lung or such other disturbing picture, with a bad message emblazoned across the pack; "Smoking Causes Lung Cancer." The proposed alcohol warning was a young guy being helped up by his friends. The message displayed? "Don't let Alcohol ruin your night." (This was most likely not the exact message, but it was something similar.) Guess what? Some poor man is going to read that and think 'Oh, I'd better not drink because if I do, I might fall over and cause no obvious damage to myself, which would apparently "ruin my night"' (I hope I accurately conveyed sarcasm through the medium of text).

I'll tell you what would really ruin your night? Getting into a liquor-fuelled fight and getting stabbed multiple times in the back until you slowly bleed to death and die. Or how about drinking until you pass out and throwing up on your own vomit? This can, and does happen. If people are going to be warned about something, why not this? How about making a warning showing a graphic image of a bar patron glassed across the face and displaying the message 'Alcohol Did This To Me'. I swear, there are hundreds more ways alcohol can "ruin your night" than making you fall over or get in a minor fist fight. If you're going to warn people about something, do it right for god's sake.

It's all futile in the end anyway. You can supress something, but you can never completely stop the use of it. Many people still smoke, regardless of the difficulties forced upon them to do so, and many more start. Drinking is no different in this respect. Any vice is safe in moderation, it's when you go over the edge that bad things happen.

How about a big black warning label on Pokies? 'Poker machines cause sore fingers if played for a really long time.' Expect to see it in the near future.

Comment if you want

~Alex

Anthony: Meat in Tubes

I return once more to the blogosphere, bearing tales of my not-so-triumph. Long story short, I had a speech for English to perform on controversial topics, and as you can imagine, I chose a very controversial topic indeed.

It was a tossup between reverse discrimination and Global Warming. But noone gives a shit about discrimination when compared to GW, so I settled on that, having aqquired a book on the topic from Alex (Need to give it back sometime about now).

It did't go too well. I got a lot of dirty looks, and Robbie asked me if I believed the world was flat too.

While I spent about a sixteenth of my day occupied with this speech, it feels as if my wise words are completley wasted on the ingrates I am schooled alongside. Honestly, some of them are just completley retarded.

How am I expected to get up in front of these morons and give a speech while they're probably making cock jokes behind their hands, yelling random crap and being generally malicious? Not to mention the fact that they haveall bludged out of doing any work, and display the equivalent intelligence of a retarded goose.

Geese are silly.

Honestly, it's always the sceptics that take flack. People don't seem to realise that there are always two sides to a debate, and that the scientific process, if not that then at least common sense, entails that two sides or opinions (sometimes more)should be pitted against each other, especially in issues such as this. The burden of sceptecism is a heavy, but nesecary one, partly because when the sceptics are actually correct, they get to lord it out over the losers BIG time. And rightly so.

The world needs to acnowledge the work of the honest sceptic. We still have arguments to make, and are capable of doing so without resorting to yelling or violence, as contrary to your stereotypes, and most of us have not beenlobotimized or integrated into some crackpot religion (On a completley unrelated note, you should so join The Dowlandism religion).

Dick jokes aside, I have another pressing matter to present to the five people that read this: Meat in Tubes.

Think about it. The astronomical costs of breeding, keeping, feeding, killing and processing animals, not to mention the people that are hired to shovel dung and count how many times each cow farts (so they can be taxed for it) could be replaced by the cost of the nutrients needed to grow a large group of abnormaly sized muscles in tubes.

Even better, with these artificial muscles, you get rid of animal rights activists, (or most of them) pesky sanitary investigations and large amounts of animal dung. You could probably engineer the meat to be whatever texture you want it, with whatever section of muscle you want. I'm sure they could manufacture rib-eye and t-bone steaks by the thousand. It solves so many problems. It would put some people out of a job, but those people could be promptly employed
to manage the shipments and administering of the varying nutrient goop mixtures fed to these gross abominations of nature.

Sure, religious groups would go crazy, but just like the time they cloned Dolly and Hitler, it'd die down. They'd see the light once they started eating premium, exelent cut meat for a fraction of the original price every day.
It can't go wrong.

Quote of the Post:
There’s so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

-Dick Cavette

Only you can not prevent Climate Change.

So, this blog has been conspicuously quiet for a while, considering two people post on it, both of whom are vindictive and angry.

Christmas is coming up, so is Copenhagen. I'm writing a speech about it, be up soon.

I still remember to blog occasionally, see?
Real post soon.

Quote of the Post:

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?
Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing?
Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing?
Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing?
Then why call him God?

-Epicurus, 341 BC, Samos – 270 BC, Athens

The internets is a scary place.

The DET obviously think so.
We, the NSW school year 9 population, recieved our free laptops. These came with a charter that basically said :
"It's not your laptop, we own it, but you're responsible for it, we don't care if it breaks or dies or goes out of date, and you're not actually allowed to DO anything with it."

The DET (Department of Edumacation) are also a bunch of fags. Just FYI.

Our school doesn't help much either. They've graciously provided, as part of our laptop orientation, a forum on the school intranet (network). Pretty much anything you do on it can, and will, get your laptop confiscated and get you a big, fat, hairy Punishment Level Two.

Cole, as a joke, started a forum titled 'Who dislikes Nick' as a joke. People joined in, as a joke. Nick was sitting next to him, and joined in too. It was a joke. Later, everyone involved, whether or not they actualy said anything nasty about him (the worst thing said was Nick beign a hypocrite) got their laptop taken. Cole got a level two.

Robbie, on his HOME computer, completley aside and away from the laptop, joined a Facebook group called "DET school laptops" or some shit like that. It had some links to hacks on it. Everyone who joined that group got their laptop confiscated. Some got levels.

Lets throw in a perspective of the level system.

Level 1: Repeated insults, disrespect, cheating on tests, that sort of thing.

Level 2: Abuse, violence, excessive disbehavior, truancy.

Level 3: Suspected smoking, violence, repeated uniform breach.

Level 4: Drugs, alchomols, weapons.

If you called someone a bitch ass faggot in front of a teacher, you might get a detention.

If you commented on a teachers attire or hair, you'd get a repraisal or a laugh.


On the forums, if you comment on a teachers hair and beard, and say it looks bad, like a hobo, or a criminal, you get your laptop confiscated, and possibly a level two. The teacher in question actually was aware of the comments, and couldn't have cared less.

Despite the fact that there has been no bullying or actual abuse over the forums (as if anyone actually would try to bully someone for real on the laptops) punishments have been handed out left right and centre. We have also had to go through the charter again in Homegroups (Roll Call) and be lectured. No doubt, it will happen again.

The administration seems completley unaware of hpow things actually work online, and are determined to coddle us from this great, scary place called online, despite the fact that we have been using it for years.

We had to watch an orientation video about pedo's and stalkers. Way to scare us, when the laptops are censored so you can't even access useful shit.
What the hell, Deputy Principal.

------
Quote of the Post:

	"Its just one of those days When you don't wanna wake up Everything is fucked Everybody sucks You don't really know why Butyou wanna justify Rippin' someone's head off No human contact And if you interact Your life is on contract! Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker It's just one of those days!" Limp Bizkit-Break Stuff

Anthony: Alex's blog Comments.

Just thought I'd throw these up here, since they've been stagnating for a while in the unread comments section, which is a damn shame.

First up is Alex's response to me saying 7:30 is an ungodly time in the morning when no-one should be conscious.

Alex:
When no-one should actually be CONSCIOUS...

I'm usually conscious before 6, and I love it. Waking up early in the morning is like realising that you have a life outside of everything and everyone else, and it involves only you. You can do almost anything, and it's great. My advice is, however, don't pull a random all-nighter on your own. If you have no access to the four life governing principles of livelihood (also called the 4 LGPOL), then it sucks. These are:

1. TV. Combats isolation, boredom and deprivation of the rest of the LGPOL rectangle.

2. Computer. Similar to #1, although many will argue about whether it is better or worse than #1. In my opinion, #2 is, in a way, more useful, although then you'll still want #1 as background noise.

3. Caffeinated beverages. Can be decaffienated but sugary if you prefer. To be honest, these are essential for mornings (Tea) and all-nighters (something highly caffeinated). In my opinion, these are a must for all-nighter or morning part-time hermit life.

4. LIGHT!! SWEET SWEET LIGHT!! This might just be me, but I know I need light generally all the time to function properly. Some people might replace #4 with one of their own preferences, such as MSN or CAPS LOCK (MSN would be cheating, because human contact is a no-no in part time hermitage.)

I am a part-time hermit. It is a life of human contact when they're around, and isolation when they're not. Without the 4 LGPOL, part-time hermitage would not exist. So please, give generously to the part-time hermitage fund, located at my bank account.

Hillarious, no? Well, nevermind. Maybe you'll laugh at the next one.


Alex:

Hello. I am reading your blog again, and since I've been very contemptful recently, I decided that I should have a rant myself, like the angry old man I am inside. (Yes, I know I have a blog, it is called Painfully Orange and you can visit it at a certain URL which I forgot and don't greatly care about, but anyhow...)

My rant for the day is of a game called 'Park this boat' at addictinggames.com. It has made me want to gouge my eyes out with a telephone. And here's why...

1. Apart from the fact that you are a boat, it doesn't differ at all from any car game whatsoever. Driving a boat is different. Allow me to elaborate...

2. The boat is essentially an ocean liner, and, by the way the game dispays it, it has the same physics as someone who can inexplicably drive an enormous semi-trailer into a compact parking spot at your nearest shopping centre. Big-arse boats are, in essence, the single hardest thing to drive on this earth. Why?
a) A boat will never stay still. NEVER. EVER.
b) A big-arse boat will usually have a greatly delayed response time, meaning driving it in any small space is nigh on impossible. The game makes you think you could park this thing in an office cubicle.
c)Most boats of the size stated require small armies to operate them. You need watchmen, a helmsman and various others for anything else. Operating a boat as large as the size stated means that you would probably be crazy AND drunk. At least. Also, you would probably be blind.

3. If you have ever been ON a boat in the slightest, you will know that boats rarely steer themselves around carparks filled with other boats. Maybe in MORONIA, but not in the real world. Usually, boats steer around things which cause them to receive damage out in THE REAL WORLD, such as underwater rocks, and islands and crap. Big-arse boats also NEVER,EVER are parked in enormous labrynths of boats. Why? Common sense.

Believe me, I have driven a large, large boat before. It was HARD. This was out in the open, mind you, not in some stupid maze-like boat-carpark, and it was confusing and scary. Driving a big-arse boat through a stupid maze-like-boat carpark would literally be like attemting to guide a cow falling from an aeroplane at 30,000 feet to land on top of a flagpole, at night, with no moon. You're a genius if you can do it, but a complete idiot if you try.

That's my rant for today, and remember, check out the URL of Orange Painful, whatever it may be, I can't remember, because if you do, I might just rant there.

P.S: good blog post. Very insightful.

If you didn't laugh, well, you're excused. That was more factual than funny. But here is the grand finale: Laugh.

Alex Proclaims:


today's annoying blog-unrelated comment is entitled:
"Choppin'"

I ask you, the reader, this; Have you ever been choppin'?

I myself went choppin', and it was unbelievably satisfactory.

Here is a description of choppin' for the uninformed:

STEP 1. Get an axe. Mine was old and rusty, but if you don't want tetanus, perhaps buy a new one. If you want to be
**^MEGA AWESOME^**, do not buy a block splitter unless you are choppin' blocks of wood.

STEP 2. Find a tree. If you're smart, don't start with a big one, just find one maybe as thick as your forearm, as I did. Or find one with a branch that thick, and chop the branch.

STEP 3. If you are choppin' a big branch, (as I did), then swing the axe behind your head until the back of the head (yes moron, the BACK of the pointy bit) is almost touching your back. Be sure to grab the bottom 1/3rd of the axe, as this gives more momentum.

STEP 4. SWING the axe around, gaining momentum as you finally drive it into the future firewood. Remember to keep your feet apart, so that you are not choppin' your shin.

STEP 5. Repeat Steps 3-4 until branch is chopped good and through. This is a refined skill, and is like golf in that you have to try and hit it in the same way every time. Like golf, except violent.

STEP 6. If cutting down a tree, you have to chop as if teeing off in golf. I'm not going to instruct you on that, go do it yourself.

STEP 7. Repeat Step 6 constantly until tree is chopped down WITH A VENGEANCE!!!

STEP 8. By now you should be mega-strong and have a small pile of firewood. If your firewood is neither small or pile shaped, keep choppin' it until it is. If you have no firewood, go out and chop you lazy bugger! When firewood is pile shaped, and reasonably sized, proceed to STEP 9.

STEP 9. Inherit bragging rights, make a fire, rinse and repeat, until you have massive biceps, a bonfire capable of burning witches, and YOU FREAKIN' HATE WOODCHOPPING.

The instructions above are titled 'How to chop' aka 'How to be a man among men' or alternatively known as 'How to be awesome.'


Final note, if you follow these steps and succeed, then you owe me nine hundred dollars.

Anthony: More Global Warming.

I'm in a fairly reasonable state now, and can actually type without yelling and screaming. I'll explain to you why I'm so annoyed.

It's all to do with a bunch of people, who, as always, are really really stupid. As in, "Holy Jesus on a Jetski we're all going to die!" sort of stupid.

So there's this girl. She's a pro-global warming person. And I mean that as in she seems to like it. Not for the conventional reasons, though.

I saw her at the bus stop. I knew her vaugley, and she new me, mainly from the poster I put up against Global Warming. She came over and asked me if I still was 'a narrow-minded world-killing numbskull'. I said yes, I guess I was.
She then tried to convince me I was wrong.

It went along these steps:

1: Moan about the crisis. Boo hoo. I nodded sympathetically, waiting for the bus driver to arrive.

2: She then described the sources. I shook my head, and wonderd what was taking the driver so long.

3: Then came the inevitable lecture on being selfish, and the Fat Cat CEO's of the oil companies.

4: I asked her why she didn't just go and live in the stone age, and leave me alone.

5: She told me that she was encouraging a retreat to the past ages, since humans were obviously 'not responsible enough' to handle this level of power. What the hell was taking that bus driver so long?

6: I asked her, in a vain effort to distract her from being stupid, how much Co2 she was producing. The answer? She didn't care, because Earth was doomed anyway, and no-one else was trying to stop it. Apparently it's going to teach us all a lesson.

7: Turns out she's a vegan.

8: YAY! Bus driver!

9: I leave.

I really, really hate other people. I mean... come on.

In other news, I yelled at someone in front of their social circle, and then threatened to beat them with what was left of their shallow, broken dignity. Why? Because he called me a hippie speckie shortarse.

His friends were glad to inform him that he got pwned. Ah, the traitorous bastards.

Chris Brown, and so forth. By Anthony.

Chris Brown, for those of you who aren't in touch with the real world (like me, I only heard about him a few nights ago on late night radio while getting a drink) Chris Brown is the ex-bf of Riahna (or however you spell it). They broke up after he beat her. As is, whaled on her with his fists.

Quite rightly, the world went : "Fuck you, Chrissie m'boy."
And raido stopped playing his music, and for a while, he was in complete disregard, and got through the courtcase and out the other side alive, without being savaged by fans.

Then, a while later, he released a new single. Contrary to popular hopes, it was NOT a wishy washy apology song. He had profusely apologized, both on T.V, in public and over the phone to her. He felt the need to keep the apology out of his music. I, for one, applaud him for that, seeing as the world has enough wishy washy R&B put there.

The second song he released, quite recently, does seem to be the apology song. And hey, it;s going down well, and the question is: Should we start buying his songs, and playing them on the radio, and all that, or just continiue to musically exclude the poor bastard?

In my view, music and musician are two things that can be taken seperatley. Most people don't believe this.
But even then, he's done something he'll regret for almost the rest of his life (Until he gets Alzheimer's). He's apologized profusely, and christ. It's not like people have to go and HUG him, they just have to let him go and make his living. He fucked up, but that should not kill his career. His social and dating life, maybe. But the dude needs to make some money somehow. And since he's not about to go and do any REAL work, let him continiue making music.

Besides, we forgave all the other celebreties who dangled their kids of bannisters, mistreated them and drunk drove, took drugs and had questionable sexual acts pinned to their name. Why should this be any different?

On a side note, I think he's a dick, and his music is terrible for the most part.

The one you didn't see coming... ~ALEX

Yes, it's a post you didn't see coming.

Remember the time, pretty much every decade, every millenium ever, up until 2 years ago, when beverages used to be about FLAVOUR?

Things have changed, and it probably started with the invention of 'New Mother'. Pretentiously tasting like the energy drink V, New Mother promised more caffeine. Since around then, almost our entire beverage market has revolved around 'Kick'.

I am not a caffeine person. I could drink the supermarket energy drink aisle dry and the only "kick" I would feel would be a slight nudge. So I'm a taste man. And to be honest, there is no energy drink in the world that doesn't taste like barnyard mystery urine.

Now, barnyard mystery urine may be satisfactory for others, but why should it? You want kick, go out and buy a kilogram of coffee, put it in a real bucket of barnyard mystery urine (hereforth referred to as BMU) and drink it. At least you'll get authenticity. Yet, the case of the stupid energy drink craze heads deeper...

Pepsi. Max.

YOU ARE NOT AN ENERGY DRINK. YOU WILL NEVER BE AN ENERGY DRINK. DONT TRY TO BE.

Pepsi Max has followed the big boys in the energy drink market, claiming "Maximum Kick, No sugar." (I remember it used to be Maximum Taste, but who wants taste when you can have a urine-flavoured caffeine seizure?). They now sell Pepsi Max in the 'big cans'; so you can drink half a litre of this questionable substance, claiming to contain 'the legal limit' of energy. If people so badly want a caffeine high, why don't they just shoot it directly into their veins and forgo the urine flavours? I mean, pepsi max has a decent flavour, but they can't be an energy drink when their caffeine level is NOT 'the legal limit'. After all, why would you want an energy drink that isn't essentially BMU (see? I used the abbrev.).

I'll tell you who wants an energy drink that isn't BMU? No-one. Why? I don't really know, nor is it relevant to my rant. I'll tell you this though. Gamers drink energy drinks, because they are lazy. My next question? Why do lazy people need energy drinks? To stay up? Come on... if you really felt like staying up, you'd take a few no-doz and maybe balance it out with a drink that isn't regarded as "Fruit (urine) flavour". My further query, why do people want so much energy?

After analyzing the market, I have decided to make my own brand of energy drink. I will call it FURY because caps lock means rage, and therefore an incredulous amount of energy. The drink will taste like fermented yellow horse lemonade, but it will still be bought. Why? Because it is 95% Crack cocaine. I think if they let me sell it, I'll be living in a house made out of bank notes by the end of this year.

By the way, I have finally decided to exempt Mountain Dew from the laws of energy drinks. "Why?" you ask, "It too tastes like the proverbial melted yellow snow." Well, I'll tell you why. It's not flavoured by Barnyard Mystery Urine. I know that it's moose urine.

Comment if you feel like it,

Alex

Game Reviews: New Super Mario Bros for Nintendo DS ~BY ALEX

Hey all, its me.

I thought i'd interrupt the raw anger to provide you with a fascinating insight into the world of New Super Mario Bros. , for Nintendo DS. In case you didn't read the title.

Pros:

1. MARIO!

2. Sound/Music is always awesome.

3. Big mushrooms make you super big, and it really is the easy way to p4wn all bosses.

4. Very few signs of Luigi.

5. Bowser Jr. is easy to defeat. Although it does make you a baby basher, which is low...

6. Minigames are fun for ADHD sufferers.

7. It's mario. (See point 1)

Ok, now for the cons...

1. You can't save every level. If I could express the amount of hate I feel towards this trait of the game, I would've probably unleashed so many expletives by now that even Anthony would probably feel offended. Look at it like this; you've been playing for a solid half-hour, and have reached a saving level stage (a tower or a castle - it's all good). You play through this previously unplayed level, realising just how annoying that un-killable enemy of mario's is, and then you get the two words, which, more than anything in the world make you want to take up a career as a postman, realise how little job satisfaction you have, steal people's money, get fired for stealing people's money, use people's money to buy a gun, wait for the gun clearance to occur, and then walk back into the office from whence you were previously fired as a postman and shoot whoever happens to be there at the time. Anyway, onto point 2...

2. Mario's death sequence. I swear, this thing pisses me off more than stupid people and lack of donuts put together. It goes like this:

1) You are happily meandering along the level.

2) You encounter a really feeble incident (think falling down a ridiculously small hole, or walking into a mysterious brown blob who can't hurt you in any real way whatsoever [He doesn't even have a mouth - Frikin hell!])

3) As soon as above incident occurs, Mario turns to face the game player. Ok, not bad...

4) He flaps his arms, while looking surprised. This is really, really annoying. And yes, I'm surprised too - that you can DIE SO EASILY.

5) If the original flapping-arms thing isn't annoying enough, you jump up and fall off the screen.

Seriously, if you have the energy to do that, can't you just escape the threat and get more health. It's nearly as horrible as when you're in a 3rd person shooter and you just get shot at until you die. And really, it's just sad.

3. You can never really just GET the star. It's in some hidden box. Don't get me wrong, I love the star, it's just that it annoys me when you have to jump up and down like a pogo stick rider with ADHD just to find a star.

And yes, that's about it. As for the above, the game is MARIO, so get it. Now.

RATING: 90/100 [pretty entertaining - go buy it]

On another note, I agree with Anthony about the YOUth Decide voting, but on a different note. If you asked most people with any brain between them, they could tell you that not only are we dependent on renewable energy for less than 5% of our power, they could also tell you that that's about as much renewable energy as we can get. Saying we should have 40-50% renewable energy is like a little kid saying that he's going to travel to the moon by use of balloons. Not only is it completely impossible, it allows the people who claim the idea to be ridiculed. I'm so glad I live in a generation of morons, bought by cheap propaganda.

That's all for now

~Alex

Anthony: Fuck you, YOUth Decide.

Alright, we've started off on a good, profainitive (is that a word?) title. Let's continiue this trend, and talk about YOUth Decide.

Youth decide, in common terms, is a voting poll for the youth of the world on the topic of cutting Co2 emissions by 2020. There are three categories, World 1, 2 and 3. In each one, there are varying emission cuts, and you vote for the one you want.

In MY terms, it's a political dupe designed to use the uninformed mass of schoolchildren to support Global Climate Change, (or whatever bull they call it now). They have done this by presrnting us with several choices filled with propaganda.
My question to them, before I present my view on the individual voting points, is this:
"So, you're exploiting the fact that the majority of these kids have insubstantial education on Global Warming, and only know the propaganda you feed them through the education system, and using this as 'research' to prove that we need to cut emissions. Do you have a soul?"

Seriously, it's pretty much like a test. They have taught you about this, and you are CONDITIONED to believe this is the truth. How could you not support them?

And if that wasn't bad enough, I have here a list of things that are wrong about the images and details they provide for each of the voting choices, worlds 1-3.

World 1:
Emission Cuts: 4-24% reduction.
Their Comment: World 1 shows the likley concequences if blah blah blah, REDUCE EMISSIONS BY 10-30% below 1990 levels by 2020 and 40-90% by 2050.
My Comment: That's a lot of reduction. D:

They Claim in Text:
-The Great Barrier Reef will be DESTROYEDED. Wtf?
-20-50% of plant and animal life will be EXTINCTED. Despite the fact that Co2 is good for plants.
-170 million people flooded each year. Tidal energy much?
-Despite that, 1.2 BILLION people will face water shortages. Desalination plants, anyone?
-AND MORE! http://www.youthdecide.com.au/About-Us/Vote-information.aspx (Click on World 1)

They Claim in Imagrey:
-People in the centre of the continents drown.
-Tanker ships belch out fumes larger than themselves.
-All the fish die (and get really, really big)
-Australia spponatiously combusts.

So, you CAN'T vote for this world without feeling like a chump.


World 2:
Emission Cuts: 25-40% reduction.
Their Comment: World 2 shows the likley concequences if blah blah blah, REDUCE EMISSIONS BY 25-40% below 1990 levels by 2020.

They Claim in Text:
-The Great Barrier Reef will be mass bleached.
-15-40% of plant and animal life will be EXTINCTED. Despite the fact that Co2 is good for plants. Again.
-10 million people flooded each year. Only ten million, but all the planst and animals still die.
-This time, only 1 billion people will face water shortages.
-AND MORE! http://www.youthdecide.com.au/About-Us/Vote-information.aspx (Click on World 2)

They Claim in Imagrey:
-People in the centre of the continents drown. But not all of them. Some of them are happy. And not saving the drowning people. What JERKS.
-Tanker ships belch out fumes only half as big as themselves.
-Some pfthe fish die (and they get really, really big)
-Australia sponatiously combusts, but to a lesser extent, and there are now people in Australia.
-We actually have trees now.

Despite the dramatic increase in cuts, we still are all fucked. Want to feel like a dick? Vote for THIS world.

World 3:
Emission Cuts: 40+% reduction.
Their Comment: World 1 shows the likley concequences if blah blah blah, REDUCE EMISSIONS BY 10-30% below 1990 levels by 2020 and more than 95% by 2050.
My Comment: OMFGWHAT?

They Claim in Text:
-The Great Barrier Reef will mostly preserved, but still affected.
-Significantly less plant and animal life will be EXTINCTED compared to world 1-2.
-Significantly less people flooded each year. What happened to all the detailed figures?
-Significanly less people will face water shortages. Is that all you can say?
-AND MORE! http://www.youthdecide.com.au/About-Us/Vote-information.aspx (Click on World 3)

They Claim in Imagrey:
-Everyone is happy.
-Tankers are replaced by yachts.
-We still have an economy.
-There are no factories.
-The coral reef is now... ON Australia?
-The planes have no windows or visible propulsion.
-Altogether too many trees.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, that's over. Now, these people assume that cutting our reductions for 40% or more (they even had a box in which you could state your own reccomendation if the given were not DRASTIC enough), they still assume we would have PLANES, CARS, SHIPS, umm.... PLACES WHERE THEY MAKE THINGS..... and all that. And power. Oh, and plastic.

Renewable makes up less than 2% of the worlds power. The greenies hate Nuclear, and have added it as a carbon producer (in the case of France, most of their power is nuclear, yet they are still apparently a huge carbon monster). Some guy put a whole load of solar panels in the desert, and the greenies bitched about the environment being hurt by it. What the fuckity fuck?

To replace all our energy, we'd have to do drastinc things, such as progressivley go BACK through the ages of technology untill we're banging rocks together to make fire, and then have them confiscated because fire produces C02. They'll kill all the cows because they make too much methane and eat too much food. We'll all become vegetarians, and then be culled off for producing too much gass.
THEN, we might achieve our goals. I'm fairly sure that some people want this to hapen so they can 'Save the Planet' and 'Live Closer to Mother Earth'.

Mother Earth is a bitch, and every step we have taken has been in the OTHER directions. The only reason we're not all in space it because it sucks out there (lol vacum joke, aren't I the WORST?). Yet these greenies want us to go BACK and live with untamed Earth?

Go fcuk yourself, then go die in a hole. Don't inconvenience me with the placement of your cold, dead, rotting corpse either.
I'll produce as much Co2 as I want.
Why?
Because it does not cause warming.

Thankyou, and goodnight.
(P.S: Don't get offended. Actually, feel free. It's on the house.)

So, you CAN'T vote for this world without feeling like a chump.
-

Anthony: Political Correctness

Well, it's a subject that needs to be adressed.
I guess it's best tackled by launching straight at it, so here I go.

All men were created equal.
All women were created equal.
Men and women are equal in rights.
Black and white people are equal in rights.
The key word here is? Go on. GUESS.

EQUAL.

Capital letters.

EQUAL.

So why the fuck do these people always pull the 'minority' card?

Wait, you thought this was about people being dicks to blacks/women/others? Nope. That's a well covered subject already. I'm just as sick, however, of people who cry "Discrimintation" when a black person is arrested on suspicion, or people who let an Iraqi man beat his wife or daughter for not adherring to their religion, despite the fact they are NOT in their homeland anymore.

You change locations, you change laws. You beat someone in Britan, or the US, you face the penalty, no matter the reason. (Well, not quite.)
But suddenly, believing in a different mystical cloud-lord or having different customs lets you walk all over our law? I'm all for tollerance, but this is going too far.
OUR country, OUR rules. Don't like it? Go back to your OWN country. Rough it out. We go to your country and respect your customs. We are EQUAL, and when on someone elses home turf, you defer to them.

Women keep pulling the 'chauvanism' card, and making life inconvenient for men. You don't get the job?
Discrimination.
Come on. Stop with that shit, please.

I've got some issiues with this whole 'Political Correctness', obviously. Some of these are to di with the fact that only MINORITIES can be discriminated against. Or at least that's how it seems.
(An interesting note is that in the Apartheid, blacks outnumbered the whites.)
Blacks or Asians cannot be racist to whites.
Women can harrass the men as much as they want
Other religions can put down atheists, or Muslims can put down Christians.


Also, what's the deal with not being able to say 'disabled', 'retarded' or 'crippled'? You have to say 'disadvantaged' or 'differently abled'.

Dude, you have no LEGS. That's not differently abled. You have NO LEGS. That's disabled. You have NO ability to use your legs, 'cause you DONT have them. What's the problem with me saying that word? I'm not trying to be offensive.

In England, the public and open cellebration of Christmas is being limited because of 'religious tollerance'. No, fuck off. That's just being pansies. I can accept that other people have different beliefs, and can understand that in their country, it would be a bit iffy to openly celebrate your own religion, but only in some places.
But you stupid spineless dicks are banning the celebration of your OWN religion in your OWN godamn country. What the fuck is wrong with you? You ENCOURAGE them to cellebrate their festivals in your own streets, and repress your citizens?

You cant call people 'Garbagemen'. They are 'Refuse Collector Operatives'.
You can't say black. You have to say African American.

Baa Baa African American sheep, anyone?

And I quote from YahooAnswers:
"The U.K. Government has recently Paid off Over 2,000 Prison in-mates (Who were Junkies when they were convicted),because they were forced to Go COLD TURKEY whilst in jail!!"

He does not lie.

"My daughter was a prison nurse, and she told me they're not allowed to call prisoners "inmates", they had to refer to them as "clients". This is in Canada."

THEIR IS NO BALLANCE HERE!
If someone robs your house, and hurts themselves, they can sue you for reckless endangerment or some similar charge.

You can't cellebrate Halloween in nurseries, because it might SCARE them. God forbid we scare them with fake costumes, and completley ignore all those fairytales that stem from violent folk lore.

Read this: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article71944.ece

It's fucking scary.

LEARN TO SUCK IT UP, people.

You, you're fat, not horizontally challenged, or dietarily impaired.
You, you're a ginger. Deal with it.
You're black.
You're a woman. You hit me, I hit you. Deal with it.
You're an old person. You're funny because you're fragile.
You're a delinquent. Your appearance does not matter.
You believe things differently to me. Good for you. Stop repressing me. Why can't I fight back?

So, in conclusion, fuck off, government. Fuck off, Human Rights activists. Fuck off, and let people be PEOPLE.

THE END.

Anthony Yells About: Yelling about shit.

When I publicly declare my love for all things random, or yell at birds, I get ridiculed. This is, of course, to be expected. However, this has not stopped me from becoming the founding father of the great Colony of B Block (Well, not really.) and being an amazingly popular (kinda... sorta... maybe) and seriously awesome (Okay, no.) and have a harem the length of a train (Okay, now we all know I'm just screwing around).

It irks me that people mock me, but not because of the reasons you would think. I mean, why, if I were annoyed by the ridicule and disrespect of others, would I be the person I am today? (I bathe in your mild discontent and irritation.) No, I wouldn't. As I stand now, I am happy to be the object of ridicule to many, many people for two reasons.

1: I don't know most of them.
2: I don't like or care about most of them.

Life became so much simpler when I realised that most people I see don't give a shit about me, and will never see me again. (This falls short when talking to any girls, any time, however. Hence the lack of a train-length harem.) People just don't ever seem to realize that most people don' care/matter to their own lives, and that's probably a good thing, since there would be a whole load more crazy people out there, and the last thing that this world needs is more nutwhacks out there, eh?

But the reason (finally) I am irked by these people is that they think I'm just stupid. And when they meet me again, (rare) they express that. That's the only time my grand plan falls down. When stupid people think I'm stupid.

You see, some people (AKA people I tolerate) are understanding enough to realise that I both am just having fun, don't like most other people, and am in serious need of some therapy.
The other set of people just seem to be intent on making fun of me. Actually making a conscious effort to be dicks and douches to some guy who laughs around for most of his life.

It usually ends with them laughing and walking away, not realizing that I have just insulted them in some witty and nonobvious (or sometimes VERY obvious) way. This, however, is a hollow victory for me, and a full, tasty three course loss for them. This irks me.

I am reduced to three options:

1: Yelling at them until they either cry or understand me and my motives.
2: Hitting them untill they either cry or understand me and my motives.
3: Giving up and realizing they will never cry or understand my motives.

Guess which option I pick? (Hint: Hitting [stupid] people gets you into trouble.)

Ponder upon that, and then realize that this was all a joke.




Or, you know, maybe it wasn't.
No, of course it wasn't. I wouldn't do a thing like that, I know you all.

...I think.

ANTHONY: Music and Laughter, the two greatest remedies

Well, it's me, and as you can see I have scored a great victory for all mankind. Alex, AKA Dowlaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, is now blogging, and as you can most likely see (unless you have crippling sight disorder and are having this read to you, in which case, well, sucks to be you.) this is indeed a great and holy thing. No, seriously.

Todays post, (in an attempt to upstage Alex) is threefold.

First and not quite formost, is the topic of manical laughter. You know, the kind you get in movies where the bad guy has just revealed his evil plan? Yea, that laughter. Best laughs ever. And you know what? It sounds even better in real life. Like, onehundedfold better. Add that to the facts that it is both incredibly theraputic, ever so tension releasing and scary to most sane people withing hearing radius, and there's just no reason NOT to manically laugh any time you feel like you've scored even a minor victory against the forces of not-so-evil, AKA those who make you do more work.
Sure, people think you're mad, but while they're busy fleeing for their lives/mocking you, you are happier, less tense and feeling rather too happy. Who's the winner now?
(Answer to rhetorical question: Satan. He's got a copyright on that laugh, and you'll pay for it in full when you die.) And since I can't find an aproppriate topic bridge, I'm just going to skip directly to the next bit. You can pretend. Use your imaginations. Go on. Use them.


Secondly, the probably ever-covered and worn topic of musical jerks. And I'm not talking about the artists, I'm talking about the followers. Just because you're not hardcore enough, or don't buy all their merchandice, you're not a true fan.

Actually, I've probably been through all this before in a previous blog post, so I'll cut this short and say that you probably all know about these people, and should give them a kick in the nadgers from me.

And also, to express my fustration, here is your daily FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

Enjoy.

Oh, and thirdly, today is my last day as a single man, Kate's friends have set up our wedding for tomorrow. I have plans to disrupt the ceremony and escape with my freedom, but all the same, wish me luck.
Or you could, you know, attend and bring some popcorn.

People I hate: The one-sided conversationalist BY ALEX

Hello again,

Following in traditional innovative ramblings style, I have decided to do a post based around people I hate. You would've thought that Anthony would've put them all down in his comic entitled "People I hate" or something along those lines, but no, I have another one to add.

The one-sided conversationalist

What is a one-sided conversationalist? Let me give you an overview. A friend of mine (chances are if you are reading this blog it's not you I'm speaking of) is a one-sided conversationalist. A typical conversation would go like this:

Anonymous friend (hereby referred to as AF): "Hey Alex!"

Me: "Yeah?"

Thinking: "Oh no, not this again..."

Interest levels: 6/10

AF: "My [insert relation here] is [insert compliment here]!"

Me: "Sweet."

Thinking: "I wouldn't really know, as I've never met any of your relatives, so this isn't really any sort of good conversation..."

Interest levels: 1/10

The conversation continues in this general manner for about an hour before either he or I or both decide to continue elsewhere. Now some people who do this might not do it on purpose, and I have accidently done it on various occasions but when it happens this often there's obviously something strange. Here's another branching form of the one-sided conversationalist: The 'funny man'.

Funny Man (hereby referred to as FM): "Sup Alex!"

Me: "Hey!"

Thinking: "Crap! here comes FM and I'm in the worst of moods."

Interest: 6/10 declining fast to a 4/10

FM: "[insert remark of reasonable wit here]"

Me: "[insert feeble forced laugh here]"

Thinking: "God I hate laughing..."

Interest: -1/10

Now don't get me wrong. The funny man might actually be funny. I'm just not the laughing type. I mean, I do laugh when I hear a really good joke, or watch a reasonably funny movie, and sometimes when other people laugh I manage to laugh along, but when it's just me, it's painful.

In conclusion, I hate one-sided conversationalists. They are just generally painful. I will blog again soon, most likely on another newsly topic. Sadly, I don't hate as many other people as Anthony just yet.

~Alex

A ban on public smoking? Sounds good, eh? ~By Alex

Hey, Alex here. I've been instructed by The Gremlin to do some blogging on his blog. And, I've decided to open with the traditional complaint (also known as Complaint I or The Complaint); A complaint over the news.

Anyone who watches the TV news (I'm guessing not many) would have heard the other night that a certain western-NSW town has plans to ban public smoking. Completely. Now, many people would approve this, thinking "Great, no more cancer. We're now safe from all the evils of the world, and the filthy, evil smokers can do nothing about it." But just think about it for a second. Imagine you are a smoker. Every day you participate in a habit that you most likely can't wait to break, you fork out thousands a year for cigarettes (most of which is tax, so if you hate paying taxes, how much must smokers?) Sure they can quit, and many do, but it's not easy in any respect.And, before someone tells me "These taxes smokers pay are used up by them in years to come when they eventually get lung cancer and die," let me tell you the truth. Only 1 in 3 people who smoke die of it. That's a lot, but when you add up all the tax, the tax goes elsewhere as well. Life sucks as a smoker then, eh? But even if you are a non-smoker (like me) then we shouldn't treat them like rats. If you ban public smoking completely, you are essentially making life as difficult as you can for smokers. Unless of course they plan to quit, in which case they probably will.

Let's look at the best scenario here. The plan is implemented. Most people are happy about it. Some die-hard smokers leave the town, but they are replaced by some couples with small children who believe that 'the air is cleaner'. These couples leave when they realise the lack of various facilities in a small town, and the town has a small decline in population. In summary, very little happens.

Now let's look at the worst case scenario. The plan is implemented. It is an immediate total and complete success. Why is this so bad? Let me tell you:

The state of NSW decides to implement it, soon to be followed by the rest of Australia.

Soon enough, the sale, possession and consumption of tobacco is deemed illegal.

Not a safe move. For one, 3.5 million people (as of 2005, source: ABS.gov.au) going through withdrawal symptoms can't be good. Many would oppose the bans, and probably take violent action. Cigarettes will be sold illegally, and will become the next illicit drug to see a rise in consumption. You'll see dodgy looking characters lining the streets with cartons of Winfield Reds hanging out of their trench-coats as they try to not look suspicious. I'm sure most non-smokers would prefer public smoking to a rise in crime, dodgy 'dealers' and of course, a giant tax hike. Who's going to pay the smoker's hefty taxes now that they're no longer allowed to smoke? The answer is simple; everyone else.

As for medical statistics, as more and more sellers of illicit tobacco start to run out of stockpiled cartons, they will turn to growing and making your own. As such, cigarettes would most likely be of worse quality and made with less tobacco leading to a probable increase in deaths from various cancers, as well as deaths from smoking in general. More funding would be needed for hospitals, and as such, taxes would go up again. All so that when you walk down the street over the course of the day, you don't get some "inconsiderate" smoker leaving a cloud of smoke around a small area, causing you to get mildly inconvenienced. Let me ask you, which do you prefer?

Finally, let me just say most blog posts I make are not as serious as this. This is just one which raises some interesting questions. But remember, if you ever have to vote on something like this, remember what I told you.

Any questions or anything, please leave comments.

~Alex

Why I am better off angry.

According to an ever helpfull follower, I blog better when I am angry. Well, due to that, and the fact that after, well, about a month, I have something worth yelling about. You know, actually yelling, not just standing in the corner and mumbling quietly about livers.

Its time to start a new traditon: The I FUCKING HATE section of the blog, enwhich I post about those I hate. I'll try to put it on a widget seperate from my actual post, maybe on the side of the page. Look out for it sometime soon.

But, just for reference, I fucking hate people that can't hold an argument, and act like total pricks of you disagree with anything you say *COUGHJOEPRINGLECOUGH*.

I laugh at the good and just. Why? Because they suck.

Well, the title pretty much explains where I'm going with this post. It's the first time I've actually felt motivated enough to blog seriously about somethig that's not a major fustration in my life, and here it is.

The whole 'good' and 'evil' thing is one that is frequently misinterpreted, and there are, obviously, many novels, papers, studies and heated conversations on the topic, as there are with most such topics. (wow, comma much?)

Sure, in books, there's bad guys and good guys, and even in most of the novels that are about surpassing those barriers, there's still a huge amount of familiarity with the good and what not.
There are
A: Not enough books where the bad guys win and
B: Not enough people who believe that the boundary is just pointless.

Personally, I've got no clear defenitions on the whole GvE situation, though I do believe that the boundaries are incredibly flexible, and that people set too much store by them.

There is a justification for almost every wrong, and an undermining motivation for everything good, and hey, misguided people can fuck thing up for everyone else as well, so that makes it less easy to define. Then there are the people who don't care, who care too much, and those who repeatedly break things.

And as for people who ask me what the worst thing I have ever done is, well, that's a hard one. By my standards, it would be.. fhhhhss... ah...

Well, it would probably be the time I didn't stop certain people from being dicks on my behalf to an undeserving guy. Why? Because I couldn't be bothered. That's probably the worst.

And I get asked things like: Well, what about that time when you got into a scrap with Wai and afterwards he went off and cried?

In my defense, he started it, and there was no clear 'back off or I hit you' area with him, he just went for it.

And secondly, I dont really see that as a bad thing. He hit me, I hit him, he couldn't hack it, end. I was 2/3s his size, and I'm fairly sure he could have trampled me if he had pushed it. So what if he felt upset afterwards? (About getting hit, not about hitting me).

But people tell me that since it was direct, that's the worse of the two.
That's a pretty narrow thought path there.
Opinions and examples here in the comments section would be nice.

The underdog minority.

Some people are under the impression that they are the underrated, small community of people that are right, and the world is all so wrong, and that their group is just misunderstood. This constantly amazes me, as the source of all their problems is not discrimination, or haters, it's all so often just their incompitence, and their willingness to just make excuses instead of put some serious work into it.

No lengthy blog for you all. I'm feeling content. Sorry bout that.

Little kids are funny.

Teaching is oone of the many things I (apparently) have a knack for but don't like doing. Others include public speaking, writing essays and impromptu.

However, teaching is a valuable skill, and also a rather underrated one.

People who go into teaching are often misguided and it seems that many of them don't enjoy it, or are not very good at it. My questions is, 'Why stick with such a low paying job you don't like?'

Surely there's something else you can do, (aside from prostitution, that's the unsaid option.).

Teachers should be paid more. Maybe they'd strike less. Or maybe they just enjoy striking.

Oh, look, I'm angry again.

Whoo, it;s been a long time since I was irritated enough to blog. Time to get back into it, I guess.


We know there are man y people who piss me off.

We know that technology pisses me off.

Combine the two? Go on and guess what you get. (No, not cyborgs. ):)

You get people who berate you for getting angry with technology.

I'll sit back and let you think about it. Then, I'll spell it out for you.

This is a scene in my Multimedia classroom.

I boot up the PC. Oh, no wait, something's wrong. It's taking me to an alternate setup menu. None of the options make much sense to me, so I restart. Twice. Same old. At this point, I swear. Not loudly. Some guy (Let's call him Marcus) frowns at me.

I start navigating my way through the maze of options. I hit a likley looking button and the computer shuts down. Oh, no wrong one.
"Dammnit, stupid computer. Just WORK!"
More frowns.

Restart the computer, and after more tries and failings, it works. Don't know how, but it works.
I mutter something about how it would have been easier if it had worked the first time, and Marcus says:
"What is youyr problem?"
"Computer wouldn't startup."
"Well, it's fine NOW, isn't it?"
"Umm. yea. Yes, yes it is. And it was painful to get it to work."
"You shouldn't be so ungratefull."
And he turns away.

What's THAT supposed to mean? I have work that needs doing, on a 5 year old shitheap of a computer, and it won't start. I'm not gratefull for having it.
I'm gratefull for my quadcore, not so gratefull for this ... machine.

So I boot up, and navigate my way through to the CS3 suite on the start menu, and a popup comes up, down goes the start menu. Given that it took me about five minutes to get that far (the computer is slow as hell for the first ten, twenty minutes of use) I swear, close the popup and repeat. I open CS3 and wait. The initialization popup appears. Freezes. More swearing.

Now, I can feel a hole being drilled into the back of my skull here. I turn around and sure enough, I'm being stared down by Marcus.
"What?"
No reply.
"Stop that, it's creepy."
"Well you stop being such a whiny bitch."
"Whiny bitch?"
"All you've done for the past half an hour is complain about your computer. Maybe you don't want to USE your computer?"
At this point, my only contribution to the conversation is an incredulous laugh. Some technologically illiterate weirdo is having a go at me for not liking a malfunctioning pile of aeroplane debris.

"Seriously, answer me!"
"I've got better things to do than listen to you. Things like making this peice of junk work."
"It's not a peice of JUNK, it's a computer."
'It's a tiny peice of crap. Now hush."

I work my way through to the program I want and get several minutes worth of work done, try and save to a previous versions file type for compatability, and it takes me through a five step torture process. This, obviously, causes much swearing. Adobe HATES backwards compatability.

So, nearer end of the lesson, I'm about to hit save and log off, when my screen goes black. The computer dies. I swear loudly and check the connections, and sure enough, one of them is lose. Marcus, the ever so helpfull soul, has decided I dont want to use the computer after all. HE pulled the power.

You can imagine the aftermath of that, but the tale of how I almost got a level 2 is a one for another time.

I'm back, and also have a back.

I'm going to pretend I've not been away for over five weeks and go right on ahead with my bloggation.
Er....

Well, maybe not. I've got nothing to say aside from ITS COLD IN AUSTRALIA! Where's global warming when you need it, eh?

Stuff and Stoof.

Just pretend that I've made an adequate introduction here, and we can move swiftly onwards.

Vista is a peice of shit. Well, figurativley speaking.
But seriously, who needs to be asked three times is they're absolutley SURE they want to open a controll panel program?

RRRGGGG.

In other news, in PDH/PE (Phisical Development and Health/Physical Exercise) we're doing theory, and in those godforsaken hellholes they have the indecency to call classrooms they are trying to teach us how relationships work.

This, according to my father, is something that should be learned at home, and by example. It's certianly something that can't be taught out of a textbook, and he most strongly disagrees with the school trying to tell me how to live our lives.

They asked us, at one point, to list things we would find UNACCEPTABLE and UNCHANGABLE OBSTACLES in a relationship. There were many jokes, like cancer, herpes, exploding eyeball syndrome, having deep rooted psychological issiues that lead to near-terminal seizures every time the word cake is said in their vicinity, and my favourite, having large dogs for feet. Think about that, and then about how stupid a question it was to ask.

Then they talked about compromise. Therefore Alex and I devised a situation where the Biker, A, wants to set fire to a kitten and Doting Girlfriend, B, wants to save it. A suitable compromise would be either
Only lightly burning it or
Burning the next one they came across.
Somehow, despite the fact that this fit all the guidelines we had been given, the teacher frowned upon this one. Maybe she doesn't like kittens.

More jokes ahead. When they talked about conflict, and asked for examples, I made a few America-Iraq jokes like "Oil causes conflict!". This was also true, and frowned upon.

They really need to stop teaching us stuff we already know, because I get bored and make satirical comments all lesson, making the teachers think I'm either retarded, a delinquent or don't understand the topic. They're not far off in any of the cases.

A good day.

Today was one of those inexplicable days enwhich you do not feel like castrating someone with a rusty scalpel. It was an indefinably nice, easy and fun day, not only in the fact that good things happened, or that bad things failed to happen, but because it was just a GOOD DAY. In fact, so much so that when, on the bus, I took the edge of a seat (all 5cm of it) next to two year 7 girls because I was bloody knackered, their insane wittering failed to put a damper on my day. In fact, uit was quite the opposite.

I took the seat, or the edge of it, and the immediate reaction was a rather predictable
"What are you doing?"
I explained that I was, indeed, bloody knackered and would appreciate using the 5cm of the seat she was not using to recuperate untill another seat became avaliable.

Despite the fact that I was being amazingly polite, far nicer than they deserved, this did not go down well.

The rest of the trip was spent with them saying things like:
"Go AWAY!"
"Creep!"
"Go on, smack him!"
" I DARE you to push him off!"
"Poke him!"
"He's gonna, like, rape you!"
"Put your bag up there! Push him off!"
"You know, she like, loves you and it's just too much for you, maybe you should move away."
It was really creepy, and if it had been a normal day I would have been sarcastic and cynical. But I endured the numerous attempts to creep me out and threaten me. It was actually kinda pathetic.

Then, when I moved away, they acted like it was a major victory and started taunting me between themselves. It was funny.

I feeeeeeel haaaaappy. I don't know why.

UPDATE

Been a few days, kinda busy with stuff, so I'm just going to throw out a few links at you people and hope you click them. Pretty please?

http://innovation-gremlin.deviantart.com/ It's my deviant.

http://thedubiouslycreatedcomic.smackjeeves.com/ It's my comic. It updates Wed, Sat Sun 12:00 +10 GMT

http://clockworkcopy.deviantart.com/ Sir Dowlands deviant.

http://orangepainful.blogspot.com/ His blog.

The Art

There an art in the world that is one of the most underestimated things I have ever seen, and the most abused.
It is the art of Annoyance.

People who are annoying as a character trait have the skill to perform this art whenever, without realizing it. It's something that comes intuitively. We don't pick through the options, we go for it. Just like a good musician, it all flows.

Some people try too hard.
In my maths class, people try to annoy Miss Werner (teacher) in the worst ways.
A bunch of year sevens try to annoy me as much as they can.
Same goes for some year 8's.
The list is confined to some very simple groups, but they all fail miserably at being annoying in the conventional sense, and that's all we need to know.
The only reason they ever are annoying is how frustrating it is to see them flail around at options without any conscious decision, or reel their options out one by one like Russian roulette.

It's like watching someone fail at reading the alphabet. I get very fustrated very easily with people who are not as smart as me or not as good as me in an area, and I meet a lot of these people. (Sounds very stuck up, dunnit?)

It's for this reason that I decided to write a book, called, rather predictably, The Art of Annoyance.
It's going well.

But it's not going to be able to teach what comes with practice: Quick retorts, the most apt reply, question dodging and finding the one thing that annoys a completely blank person. Being snappy with your answers and turning insults and taunts right back on the offender in a second or less.

It WILL teach you to word insults that are more than nonsense, find flaws and exploit them. There are lists of situations and words. The trick is to put it all together. And that takes practice.
It's not a bludge subject, people.

Chain Mail

This is one of the subjects that I feel deserves an in depth, critically cynical examination.

I;m going to start off assuming you are relatively sheltered from internet stupidity and explain exactly what chain mail is, if only because it'll pack more 'content' into this post and make it look like I actually wrote something of interest.

Chain mail is the annoying practice of posting a message that demands you forward or copy and paste it to a certain number of people or sites, threatening a messy/painful/otherwise undesirable consequence that is often rather supernatural as a reason to do so.
Sometimes the poster is nice enough to have a reward for posting it up to or over the requirement. Other times, the mail will just be a slogan, image or phrase with the words underneath "All true people, copy and paste!" or something along the lines.

The posting of this message spurs many young people to re-post it all over the internet. I'm assuming they're young because most people capable of using the internet over the age of thirty have developed the brain of at least a retarded crab, and can therefore distinguish between bullshit and something worthwhile.

Well, the starters of these messages must be laughing their asses of, sitting behind their monitors and piles of takeaway boxes. And sure, they have a point.

It's not them you have to hate, because at least they have a sense of humor. It's the terrified pre-teens, teens and occasionally twenty-something people who believe that a message started by one guy can warp the fabric of reality and inflict the thousands of people who read it with an identical fate through the script of the website it is posted on, and that the consequences of the letter have so far eluded the news.

I mean, mass outbreaks of creepy well girls, giant spiders, corpses with their eyes gouged out wandering the streets and unexplained disturbances would surely reach anyone and everyone, even if they had no T.V, radio, internet or regular contact with other people. Not even the Government, or his cousin The Man could cover all that up.

Add to this the fact that many of these chain letters are hurridly compiled and spelled worse than a love letter written by an easily excitable fourth grader, and you have something no rational person could believe in.

There may, of course, be other reasons for the circulation of the letters.
A: Everyone is in on the joke and sends it to other people, thinking they are not.
This is discredited because the average intelligence of any of the aforementioned age groups is less than a retarded crab, and is evidently capable of believing such garbage. This is evident at the forums of such sites as www.newgrounds.com, the chan boards and just about any comment box on a gaming website.

B: There are enough people out there that form a group of people dedicated to circulating these messages.
This seems unlikely, since then the messages would be better formulated and far more widely scattered than the current ones are.

C: They are all real, and posted by real supernatural creatures who cannot type properly and have acess to the internet, and decide that pre-teens are the best way to spread their message.
If this is true, then there must be a lot of supernatural creatures out there. I wonder what happens when more than one gets dibs on onre guy? Do they fight it out, or take turns?

Look, to believe in a chain message, you have to believe in a whole list of implausable things.

1: That supernatural creatures exist.
2: They cannot spell properly.
3: They have acess to the internet.
4: They hate pre-teens.
5: They can escape The Government and The Man, and Them. And no-one can do that.
6: They are capable of monitoring every single person to view the message.
7: They can affect the lives of us mortals.
8: They think a suitable challenge is whether or not we post some text on various sites.
9: They can therefore be in many places at once.
10: They can dispose of thousands of bodies.
11: They cannot be defeated or escaped.
12: They can use the code of the sites to alter our lives.
13: If they do not seek to hurt us, they seek to reward us for copy/pasting.
14: There are so many of these that it's almost impossible to fufill the requirements of every single one you see, since they're everywhere.
15: What happens if you see your own chain message, one that you copied?
16: What happens if you fufill the requirements, and then see the message posted again by someone else? Do you have to do it all again?
17: If you post more than the required, do they carry over to the next message you see?
18: Concerning cult pledges, how does copy/pasting make us more a member?

Sure, I'm just retarded enough to believe that all that is true. I also believe in flying pigs, that Bush was a robot (Though that's almost reasonable) and we are all really cyborgs, and the government has chips in our heads. Just a little rational though would be nice, people. Even realising ONE of these would be enough to dissuade you from copy pasting.

*Sigh*
So go and paste this everywhere in the hopes that people will realize how retarded it all is.
Heheh, jokes.

Improvisation

I love improvisation, and am able to improvise anytime except when I need to, which sucks.

A mention to a certain Ashley Cleavin, who's the 4th person to follow me and someone with a vast array of technological goods and the only person I know that can keep Mrs Foster away with bullshit answers. Props to him.


Otherwise, I have nothing to say.








Seriously, go away.

At risk of being dangerously offensive:

DISCLAIMER ALERT: I do not intend to make light of cancer or AIDS or HIV, all of which are life threatening diseases and are capable of immense damage. I wholeheartedly support any donation to their cure. They both need to go.

But still:
Why are people so sensetive about cancer and aids?
Not to belittle them or anything, since they are both very nasty afflictions, and I pity anyone who has had them. And apologize if I offend them GREATLY.

People have a real problem with ANYTHING to do with these topics.
Other diseases, such as gut worms, flu, black death, pneumoconiosis, bronchitis, sleeping sickness, cholera, dengue fever, hepatitis, malaria, measels, bronchitis, dysentry, osteoperosis, heart failure, typhoid, typhoid, lockjaw, and many many many many many more conjure up less offended reactions.

I'm fairly sure all of these diseases can at the very least kill old people.
Okay, maybe not all of them are as SEVERE, and all are curable, but to an extent, so is HIV, and cancer. New cures are being developed and they are the most researched diseases on the planet.
Awareness about these is everywhere and neither of those is a surefire death sentence. Sure, AIDS has a 99% death rate, but HIV is different. And since you can avoid both HIV and AIDS by being cautions, it's not like cancer in that it is not heriditary. You have to CATCH it.

So why are they such a big deal? If I wrote a song about, say, hepatitis, the response would be significantly less that if I wrote a song about cancer. (Sorry everyone, I have.)

It seems that cancer and aids are taboo topics. If anyone knows anyone with/who has died/is dying/has/had relatives who are dying from either, and you mention it, you are on the death row.
And not even for making jokes about it. You can mention it, refer to the fact that people are less likely to die from it, say that other diseases are worse, that dying in a certain way kills more/is worse, and so on.
I've done all of these, and once, when I said that getting burned alive in a pit of scorpions would be worse than cancer of the crotch, some bitch slapped me. I said it out loud to myself, because I'm a weird person, during lunch in the canteen line, and the girl in front of me slapped me and ran away crying. Now, that was a bit weird, and I felt kinda guilty. But, I later overheard her outside our clasroom telling her friend that I was a heartless bastard and, (I kid you not) I deserved to die of cancer of the genitals, then be reincarnated and burned alive in a pit of scorpions, and then reincarnated and die from cancer all over again for the rest of eternity. What the HELL? I felt a little less sympathetic. But I still was going to apologize, until I heard that the only relation to cancer she had ever had was her great-grandmother. Come ON!
I might have been able to understand it if, say, her mother or grandmother even, had cancer. But her GREAT grandmother who had (as I later found out) died before she was born.

The facts of the case lie before me and are as stated below:

Exhibit A: Death by being dropped, while on fire, into a pit of scorpions, all of which are venomous.
Observations: Being on fire is reportedly one of the most excruciating things to suffer from, according to many witnesses. Being stung by scorpions repeatedly is also very painful, possibly likened to being stabbed with needles repeatedly. Risk of being stabbed in crotch, armpits, eyes, mouth and other sensitive spots. Please note that ALL of subject will be on fire.

Exhibit B: Death by testicular/cervical cancer.
Observations: Cervical cancer symptoms include periodic pelvic pain, especially during urination, sensitivity, bleeding after contact, loss of appetite, weight loss, fatigue, leaking (ew) and the spreading of the cancer to other organs, continuing the cycle.

Testicular cancer (which has one of the highest rates of being cured in all cancers) causes lumps, sensitivity, swelling, loss of sexual ability and interest (ouch) ache in crotch area, blood in semen and occasionally urine, spread of the cancer, and tiring and weakening of subject.

Conclusion: Given that dying of cancer would be a slower process, (1 point) but less painful, and any subject would have the option of taking medication for the pain, and to slow the cancer, (we are taking it as definite that the subject would die, as is the topic), but it is a more emotionally devastating affliction (1 point) and traumatic for those around you (1 point) and also an invasion of the most private and treasured part of your body (1 point), I give crotch cancer a a rating of 4.

Dying of being on fire all over the body (2 points) while being stabbed by scorpions all over (2 points) is much faster, and a rather sudden one. Also noting that your CROTCH would be on fire, and stabbed by scorpions. You would go blind, (1 point) and possibly get scorpion in your mouth, though that would be the least of your worries. Rated 5.


It's therefore a matter of personal preference, but I do believe that dying by the scorpion/fire thing would be worse.

I think that the offender overreacted, and when confronted was not able to form a coherent argument, only that "Cancer is really bad, and it's not cool to make light of it and..." followed by several rather vocal opinions of my future and its relation to cancer.

Okay, I think I've carried this far enough and offended enough people. I've argued my course, and intend in no way changing my opinion. One is not enough to show the opinions of all, but certainly many people overreact about cancer, at the very least. The facts are shown. I rest my case.