I'm going to pretend I've not been away for over five weeks and go right on ahead with my bloggation.
Er....
Well, maybe not. I've got nothing to say aside from ITS COLD IN AUSTRALIA! Where's global warming when you need it, eh?
Monday, July 27, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Stuff and Stoof.
Just pretend that I've made an adequate introduction here, and we can move swiftly onwards.
Vista is a peice of shit. Well, figurativley speaking.
But seriously, who needs to be asked three times is they're absolutley SURE they want to open a controll panel program?
RRRGGGG.
In other news, in PDH/PE (Phisical Development and Health/Physical Exercise) we're doing theory, and in those godforsaken hellholes they have the indecency to call classrooms they are trying to teach us how relationships work.
This, according to my father, is something that should be learned at home, and by example. It's certianly something that can't be taught out of a textbook, and he most strongly disagrees with the school trying to tell me how to live our lives.
They asked us, at one point, to list things we would find UNACCEPTABLE and UNCHANGABLE OBSTACLES in a relationship. There were many jokes, like cancer, herpes, exploding eyeball syndrome, having deep rooted psychological issiues that lead to near-terminal seizures every time the word cake is said in their vicinity, and my favourite, having large dogs for feet. Think about that, and then about how stupid a question it was to ask.
Then they talked about compromise. Therefore Alex and I devised a situation where the Biker, A, wants to set fire to a kitten and Doting Girlfriend, B, wants to save it. A suitable compromise would be either
Only lightly burning it or
Burning the next one they came across.
Somehow, despite the fact that this fit all the guidelines we had been given, the teacher frowned upon this one. Maybe she doesn't like kittens.
More jokes ahead. When they talked about conflict, and asked for examples, I made a few America-Iraq jokes like "Oil causes conflict!". This was also true, and frowned upon.
They really need to stop teaching us stuff we already know, because I get bored and make satirical comments all lesson, making the teachers think I'm either retarded, a delinquent or don't understand the topic. They're not far off in any of the cases.
Vista is a peice of shit. Well, figurativley speaking.
But seriously, who needs to be asked three times is they're absolutley SURE they want to open a controll panel program?
RRRGGGG.
In other news, in PDH/PE (Phisical Development and Health/Physical Exercise) we're doing theory, and in those godforsaken hellholes they have the indecency to call classrooms they are trying to teach us how relationships work.
This, according to my father, is something that should be learned at home, and by example. It's certianly something that can't be taught out of a textbook, and he most strongly disagrees with the school trying to tell me how to live our lives.
They asked us, at one point, to list things we would find UNACCEPTABLE and UNCHANGABLE OBSTACLES in a relationship. There were many jokes, like cancer, herpes, exploding eyeball syndrome, having deep rooted psychological issiues that lead to near-terminal seizures every time the word cake is said in their vicinity, and my favourite, having large dogs for feet. Think about that, and then about how stupid a question it was to ask.
Then they talked about compromise. Therefore Alex and I devised a situation where the Biker, A, wants to set fire to a kitten and Doting Girlfriend, B, wants to save it. A suitable compromise would be either
Only lightly burning it or
Burning the next one they came across.
Somehow, despite the fact that this fit all the guidelines we had been given, the teacher frowned upon this one. Maybe she doesn't like kittens.
More jokes ahead. When they talked about conflict, and asked for examples, I made a few America-Iraq jokes like "Oil causes conflict!". This was also true, and frowned upon.
They really need to stop teaching us stuff we already know, because I get bored and make satirical comments all lesson, making the teachers think I'm either retarded, a delinquent or don't understand the topic. They're not far off in any of the cases.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
A good day.
Today was one of those inexplicable days enwhich you do not feel like castrating someone with a rusty scalpel. It was an indefinably nice, easy and fun day, not only in the fact that good things happened, or that bad things failed to happen, but because it was just a GOOD DAY. In fact, so much so that when, on the bus, I took the edge of a seat (all 5cm of it) next to two year 7 girls because I was bloody knackered, their insane wittering failed to put a damper on my day. In fact, uit was quite the opposite.
I took the seat, or the edge of it, and the immediate reaction was a rather predictable
"What are you doing?"
I explained that I was, indeed, bloody knackered and would appreciate using the 5cm of the seat she was not using to recuperate untill another seat became avaliable.
Despite the fact that I was being amazingly polite, far nicer than they deserved, this did not go down well.
The rest of the trip was spent with them saying things like:
"Go AWAY!"
"Creep!"
"Go on, smack him!"
" I DARE you to push him off!"
"Poke him!"
"He's gonna, like, rape you!"
"Put your bag up there! Push him off!"
"You know, she like, loves you and it's just too much for you, maybe you should move away."
It was really creepy, and if it had been a normal day I would have been sarcastic and cynical. But I endured the numerous attempts to creep me out and threaten me. It was actually kinda pathetic.
Then, when I moved away, they acted like it was a major victory and started taunting me between themselves. It was funny.
I feeeeeeel haaaaappy. I don't know why.
I took the seat, or the edge of it, and the immediate reaction was a rather predictable
"What are you doing?"
I explained that I was, indeed, bloody knackered and would appreciate using the 5cm of the seat she was not using to recuperate untill another seat became avaliable.
Despite the fact that I was being amazingly polite, far nicer than they deserved, this did not go down well.
The rest of the trip was spent with them saying things like:
"Go AWAY!"
"Creep!"
"Go on, smack him!"
" I DARE you to push him off!"
"Poke him!"
"He's gonna, like, rape you!"
"Put your bag up there! Push him off!"
"You know, she like, loves you and it's just too much for you, maybe you should move away."
It was really creepy, and if it had been a normal day I would have been sarcastic and cynical. But I endured the numerous attempts to creep me out and threaten me. It was actually kinda pathetic.
Then, when I moved away, they acted like it was a major victory and started taunting me between themselves. It was funny.
I feeeeeeel haaaaappy. I don't know why.
Friday, May 29, 2009
UPDATE
Been a few days, kinda busy with stuff, so I'm just going to throw out a few links at you people and hope you click them. Pretty please?
http://innovation-gremlin.deviantart.com/ It's my deviant.
http://thedubiouslycreatedcomic.smackjeeves.com/ It's my comic. It updates Wed, Sat Sun 12:00 +10 GMT
http://clockworkcopy.deviantart.com/ Sir Dowlands deviant.
http://orangepainful.blogspot.com/ His blog.
http://innovation-gremlin.deviantart.com/ It's my deviant.
http://thedubiouslycreatedcomic.smackjeeves.com/ It's my comic. It updates Wed, Sat Sun 12:00 +10 GMT
http://clockworkcopy.deviantart.com/ Sir Dowlands deviant.
http://orangepainful.blogspot.com/ His blog.
Monday, May 25, 2009
The Art
There an art in the world that is one of the most underestimated things I have ever seen, and the most abused.
It is the art of Annoyance.
People who are annoying as a character trait have the skill to perform this art whenever, without realizing it. It's something that comes intuitively. We don't pick through the options, we go for it. Just like a good musician, it all flows.
Some people try too hard.
In my maths class, people try to annoy Miss Werner (teacher) in the worst ways.
A bunch of year sevens try to annoy me as much as they can.
Same goes for some year 8's.
The list is confined to some very simple groups, but they all fail miserably at being annoying in the conventional sense, and that's all we need to know.
The only reason they ever are annoying is how frustrating it is to see them flail around at options without any conscious decision, or reel their options out one by one like Russian roulette.
It's like watching someone fail at reading the alphabet. I get very fustrated very easily with people who are not as smart as me or not as good as me in an area, and I meet a lot of these people. (Sounds very stuck up, dunnit?)
It's for this reason that I decided to write a book, called, rather predictably, The Art of Annoyance.
It's going well.
But it's not going to be able to teach what comes with practice: Quick retorts, the most apt reply, question dodging and finding the one thing that annoys a completely blank person. Being snappy with your answers and turning insults and taunts right back on the offender in a second or less.
It WILL teach you to word insults that are more than nonsense, find flaws and exploit them. There are lists of situations and words. The trick is to put it all together. And that takes practice.
It's not a bludge subject, people.
It is the art of Annoyance.
People who are annoying as a character trait have the skill to perform this art whenever, without realizing it. It's something that comes intuitively. We don't pick through the options, we go for it. Just like a good musician, it all flows.
Some people try too hard.
In my maths class, people try to annoy Miss Werner (teacher) in the worst ways.
A bunch of year sevens try to annoy me as much as they can.
Same goes for some year 8's.
The list is confined to some very simple groups, but they all fail miserably at being annoying in the conventional sense, and that's all we need to know.
The only reason they ever are annoying is how frustrating it is to see them flail around at options without any conscious decision, or reel their options out one by one like Russian roulette.
It's like watching someone fail at reading the alphabet. I get very fustrated very easily with people who are not as smart as me or not as good as me in an area, and I meet a lot of these people. (Sounds very stuck up, dunnit?)
It's for this reason that I decided to write a book, called, rather predictably, The Art of Annoyance.
It's going well.
But it's not going to be able to teach what comes with practice: Quick retorts, the most apt reply, question dodging and finding the one thing that annoys a completely blank person. Being snappy with your answers and turning insults and taunts right back on the offender in a second or less.
It WILL teach you to word insults that are more than nonsense, find flaws and exploit them. There are lists of situations and words. The trick is to put it all together. And that takes practice.
It's not a bludge subject, people.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Chain Mail
This is one of the subjects that I feel deserves an in depth, critically cynical examination.
I;m going to start off assuming you are relatively sheltered from internet stupidity and explain exactly what chain mail is, if only because it'll pack more 'content' into this post and make it look like I actually wrote something of interest.
Chain mail is the annoying practice of posting a message that demands you forward or copy and paste it to a certain number of people or sites, threatening a messy/painful/otherwise undesirable consequence that is often rather supernatural as a reason to do so.
Sometimes the poster is nice enough to have a reward for posting it up to or over the requirement. Other times, the mail will just be a slogan, image or phrase with the words underneath "All true people, copy and paste!" or something along the lines.
The posting of this message spurs many young people to re-post it all over the internet. I'm assuming they're young because most people capable of using the internet over the age of thirty have developed the brain of at least a retarded crab, and can therefore distinguish between bullshit and something worthwhile.
Well, the starters of these messages must be laughing their asses of, sitting behind their monitors and piles of takeaway boxes. And sure, they have a point.
It's not them you have to hate, because at least they have a sense of humor. It's the terrified pre-teens, teens and occasionally twenty-something people who believe that a message started by one guy can warp the fabric of reality and inflict the thousands of people who read it with an identical fate through the script of the website it is posted on, and that the consequences of the letter have so far eluded the news.
I mean, mass outbreaks of creepy well girls, giant spiders, corpses with their eyes gouged out wandering the streets and unexplained disturbances would surely reach anyone and everyone, even if they had no T.V, radio, internet or regular contact with other people. Not even the Government, or his cousin The Man could cover all that up.
Add to this the fact that many of these chain letters are hurridly compiled and spelled worse than a love letter written by an easily excitable fourth grader, and you have something no rational person could believe in.
There may, of course, be other reasons for the circulation of the letters.
A: Everyone is in on the joke and sends it to other people, thinking they are not.
This is discredited because the average intelligence of any of the aforementioned age groups is less than a retarded crab, and is evidently capable of believing such garbage. This is evident at the forums of such sites as www.newgrounds.com, the chan boards and just about any comment box on a gaming website.
B: There are enough people out there that form a group of people dedicated to circulating these messages.
This seems unlikely, since then the messages would be better formulated and far more widely scattered than the current ones are.
C: They are all real, and posted by real supernatural creatures who cannot type properly and have acess to the internet, and decide that pre-teens are the best way to spread their message.
If this is true, then there must be a lot of supernatural creatures out there. I wonder what happens when more than one gets dibs on onre guy? Do they fight it out, or take turns?
Look, to believe in a chain message, you have to believe in a whole list of implausable things.
1: That supernatural creatures exist.
2: They cannot spell properly.
3: They have acess to the internet.
4: They hate pre-teens.
5: They can escape The Government and The Man, and Them. And no-one can do that.
6: They are capable of monitoring every single person to view the message.
7: They can affect the lives of us mortals.
8: They think a suitable challenge is whether or not we post some text on various sites.
9: They can therefore be in many places at once.
10: They can dispose of thousands of bodies.
11: They cannot be defeated or escaped.
12: They can use the code of the sites to alter our lives.
13: If they do not seek to hurt us, they seek to reward us for copy/pasting.
14: There are so many of these that it's almost impossible to fufill the requirements of every single one you see, since they're everywhere.
15: What happens if you see your own chain message, one that you copied?
16: What happens if you fufill the requirements, and then see the message posted again by someone else? Do you have to do it all again?
17: If you post more than the required, do they carry over to the next message you see?
18: Concerning cult pledges, how does copy/pasting make us more a member?
Sure, I'm just retarded enough to believe that all that is true. I also believe in flying pigs, that Bush was a robot (Though that's almost reasonable) and we are all really cyborgs, and the government has chips in our heads. Just a little rational though would be nice, people. Even realising ONE of these would be enough to dissuade you from copy pasting.
*Sigh*
So go and paste this everywhere in the hopes that people will realize how retarded it all is.
Heheh, jokes.
I;m going to start off assuming you are relatively sheltered from internet stupidity and explain exactly what chain mail is, if only because it'll pack more 'content' into this post and make it look like I actually wrote something of interest.
Chain mail is the annoying practice of posting a message that demands you forward or copy and paste it to a certain number of people or sites, threatening a messy/painful/otherwise undesirable consequence that is often rather supernatural as a reason to do so.
Sometimes the poster is nice enough to have a reward for posting it up to or over the requirement. Other times, the mail will just be a slogan, image or phrase with the words underneath "All true
The posting of this message spurs many young people to re-post it all over the internet. I'm assuming they're young because most people capable of using the internet over the age of thirty have developed the brain of at least a retarded crab, and can therefore distinguish between bullshit and something worthwhile.
Well, the starters of these messages must be laughing their asses of, sitting behind their monitors and piles of takeaway boxes. And sure, they have a point.
It's not them you have to hate, because at least they have a sense of humor. It's the terrified pre-teens, teens and occasionally twenty-something people who believe that a message started by one guy can warp the fabric of reality and inflict the thousands of people who read it with an identical fate through the script of the website it is posted on, and that the consequences of the letter have so far eluded the news.
I mean, mass outbreaks of creepy well girls, giant spiders, corpses with their eyes gouged out wandering the streets and unexplained disturbances would surely reach anyone and everyone, even if they had no T.V, radio, internet or regular contact with other people. Not even the Government, or his cousin The Man could cover all that up.
Add to this the fact that many of these chain letters are hurridly compiled and spelled worse than a love letter written by an easily excitable fourth grader, and you have something no rational person could believe in.
There may, of course, be other reasons for the circulation of the letters.
A: Everyone is in on the joke and sends it to other people, thinking they are not.
This is discredited because the average intelligence of any of the aforementioned age groups is less than a retarded crab, and is evidently capable of believing such garbage. This is evident at the forums of such sites as www.newgrounds.com, the chan boards and just about any comment box on a gaming website.
B: There are enough people out there that form a group of people dedicated to circulating these messages.
This seems unlikely, since then the messages would be better formulated and far more widely scattered than the current ones are.
C: They are all real, and posted by real supernatural creatures who cannot type properly and have acess to the internet, and decide that pre-teens are the best way to spread their message.
If this is true, then there must be a lot of supernatural creatures out there. I wonder what happens when more than one gets dibs on onre guy? Do they fight it out, or take turns?
Look, to believe in a chain message, you have to believe in a whole list of implausable things.
1: That supernatural creatures exist.
2: They cannot spell properly.
3: They have acess to the internet.
4: They hate pre-teens.
5: They can escape The Government and The Man, and Them. And no-one can do that.
6: They are capable of monitoring every single person to view the message.
7: They can affect the lives of us mortals.
8: They think a suitable challenge is whether or not we post some text on various sites.
9: They can therefore be in many places at once.
10: They can dispose of thousands of bodies.
11: They cannot be defeated or escaped.
12: They can use the code of the sites to alter our lives.
13: If they do not seek to hurt us, they seek to reward us for copy/pasting.
14: There are so many of these that it's almost impossible to fufill the requirements of every single one you see, since they're everywhere.
15: What happens if you see your own chain message, one that you copied?
16: What happens if you fufill the requirements, and then see the message posted again by someone else? Do you have to do it all again?
17: If you post more than the required, do they carry over to the next message you see?
18: Concerning cult pledges, how does copy/pasting make us more a member?
Sure, I'm just retarded enough to believe that all that is true. I also believe in flying pigs, that Bush was a robot (Though that's almost reasonable) and we are all really cyborgs, and the government has chips in our heads. Just a little rational though would be nice, people. Even realising ONE of these would be enough to dissuade you from copy pasting.
*Sigh*
So go and paste this everywhere in the hopes that people will realize how retarded it all is.
Heheh, jokes.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Improvisation
I love improvisation, and am able to improvise anytime except when I need to, which sucks.
A mention to a certain Ashley Cleavin, who's the 4th person to follow me and someone with a vast array of technological goods and the only person I know that can keep Mrs Foster away with bullshit answers. Props to him.
Otherwise, I have nothing to say.
Seriously, go away.
A mention to a certain Ashley Cleavin, who's the 4th person to follow me and someone with a vast array of technological goods and the only person I know that can keep Mrs Foster away with bullshit answers. Props to him.
Otherwise, I have nothing to say.
Seriously, go away.
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